A Tale Of Mere Existance

• Artist: ExplodingPlastic
• Description: I've just been sad, all the time. This is what's become of it.
• Date: 09/29/2011
• Tags: tale mere existance

Oh, the crushing monotony
Dear, I fear it's killing me
Inside out, it's all the same
As if I'm in a game

A game so sick, it can't be won
I just wait for my turn to be done
The happiness has disappeared
This is the losing that I've feared

The loneliness, on hyperdrive
My pencil is on overdrive
Writing fluid, unbearable pain
There is nothing left to gain

My only purpose has been lost
Among the trees of Frost
The roads are unseen by I
There is no answer to apply

So I sit, pen in hand
Waiting, desperate, through the bland
My shining knight is nowhere near
Please, someone, get me out of here

Comments

[in a pinto forever]

Your attention to rhyme is unfailing, but you let it rule your pen; the resulting neglect of rhythm hurts its fluidity. You the kind of writer to spend hours playing with the precise wording of a single line? I'm the same way, and sometimes I forget to make sure the rest of the lines flow correctly when I'm done...
Don't make my mistakes. The poem's wonderful, but watch the rhythm... Also, if rhyme's your thing, switch it up. Doesn't always have to be the end of the line rhymin', for instance..