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44 ways to bother severus snape
1. Make him take a shower.
2. Make him use shampoo in aforementioned shower.
3. Make him use clarifying shampoo.
4. Apparate next to him, hand him a tube of super-strong facial cleanser, then quickly Disapparate before he realizes what happened.
5. Enchant this cleanser to follow him around until he uses it.
6. ...enchant the cleanser to follow him around anyway.
7. Tell him you stole his teddy bear.
8. Tell him you won't give it back until he agrees to wash his hair.
9. When he washes his hair, tell him you were just kidding and said teddy bear has already been destroyed.
10. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and give him a mohawk.
11. Sneak up on him while he's asleep and write "Crazy!" all over his face in permanent ink.
12. Sneak up on him when he's asleep and wash his hair.
13. Send him repeated invitations to a makeover party - which emphasis on facials, shampooing, and hair-braiding. ("But you'll look so pretty!!" wink
14. Force him to get a Michael Jackson-type nose surgery.
15. Call him Michael by accident.
16. Make parallels between him and Michael Jackson. "You both have deformed noses, you both have pale skin, you both have greasy black hair, he's the King of Pop, you're the Half-Blood Prince, you both molest chil..Oops!"
17. Prank call him and say, "Where's the emergency?! I hear there was a man at this number who needed an extreme nose job ASAP!" over and over again.
18. Resurrect James using a seance and make him haunt Snape for eternity.
19. Hypnotize the Death Eaters to make fun of him and constantly try to de-pants him.
20. Tap him on his left shoulder and jump to the right.
21. Nudge him and say, "So...how's the double-agent business going?" *nudgenudgewinkwink*
22. Tape a sign that says "CURSE ME!" on his back.
23. Call him Snivellus.
24. Tell you consulted a pyschic and he's not a Prince afterall...and he never will be.
25. Convince him that going around in the nude is the new "in" style. Wait, are we torturing him or us?!
26. Give him to Grawp. *evil laugh*
27. Obliviate his memory and force him to spend the rest of his days as a Muggle. Or better yet, try it within the Obliviating part!
28. Dye his skin pink.
29. Force him to become the head Gryffindor cheerleader.
30. Tell him that you've killed Draco (as tempting as it may be, do not really kill him!).
31. Laugh evilly and tell him that he's broken the Unbreakable Vow since he didn't save Draco, and will therefore die at any moment.
32. Laugh at him as he runs in circles panicking about his impending "doom."
33. Or just kill Draco and force Snape to watch him die. *dodges fangirls*
34. Give him the nickname Half-Blood Princess.
35. Find anything he's ever written "I am the Half-Blood Prince" on, and change it to say "Princess."
36. Blackmail him. "If you do anything bad to me, I'll show everyone the picture of you before your nose job went horribly wrong!"
37. Comment on how smudgy his papers are because they have grease marks from his nose on them.
38. Tell him Voldemort doesn't love him anymore.
39. Tell him a story with many parallels to his own life, and disguise it badly.
40. End with his imminent doom and the moral: "Greasy-haird traitors who murder old men [for any reason] and run away, will always get caught and murdered in the most painful way wizardly possible."
41. When he confronts you about it, pretend you have no idea what he's talking about.
42. Tie him to a chair and force him to watch the Potter Puppet Pals.
43. Buy him a shirt with his Pupper Pal look-a-like and say "Bother!" as loudly as you can whenever you're in his presence.
44. And if none of these bother Snape enough, you could always hack away at his head with a blunt axe - giving him a slow, painful death and an embarassing, not-quite-Headless-Hunt-material afterlife.
25 ways to tick off a harry potter fan
1. In casual conversation, constantly ask: "Now what was the name of that kid with the scar again?"
2. Anytime they bring up the books, close your ears and sing loudly - then tell them they're spoiling it for you (even if you have no intention of reading them).
3. Ask what "HP" stands for.
4. When they begin to theorize, bluntly say "I think Harry is in cahoots with Voldemort and it's all just a huge publicity stunt."
5. Tell them you think the movies are better than the books.
6. Suggest they read the books on SparkNotes, because it's a lot faster.
7. Destroy any and all of their delusions that magic really exists and that they'll someday find Hogwarts.
8. Point and laugh unnecessarily loudly when they tell you how many times they've read each book.
9. Any time they mention JK Rowling, mention that you think she should just retire immediately.
10. Steal their wizard robes.
11. Wash off their lightning bolt tattoo.
12. Steal the dust jacket to their books.
13. Ask to borrow one of the books and return it with scribbles and notes alluding to the death of Harry.
14. Pronounce all of the character's names wrong, no matter how easy they are or how many times you've been corrected.
15. Offer to edit their fanfic, then re-write it to be about a delusional person who is convinced a book about magic is real.
16. Go on and on about how unrealistic all of it is.
17. Offer to mail a letter to Hogwarts, and really mail it to a shrink.
18. Draw mustaches on their Harry Potter posters.
19. When they start ranting and raving about the books/movies, say "That's nice!" in the same tone used to talk to a child.
20. Use logic to disprove all of the plot lines in the books.
21. Plant a snake in their room and laugh at their frustration when they can't communicate with it.
22. Write hate mail to JK Rowling, providing your friend's name and address.
23. Misquote the books as often as possible.
24. Try to convince them that Voldemort is really the good guy and the book is told from Harry's point of view - which is the only reason he comes off looking good.
25. When they start to retell a part of one of the books, say "Oh, yeah, and remember when..." - then completely make something up.
 mistress_of_insanity · Thu May 24, 2007 @ 09:16pm · 0 Comments |
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