Sometimes when I look back on my life I keep thinking.
I've been around people who proably wouldn't care too much if I died, who liked torturing me day after day, who told me so many things. The only relief I got was from cutting myself...it always felt to good. A part of me longs for that kind of pain, another part of me wants to be free from it, but feels as if it'll never get the chance.
I'm so confused now because of it, I feel as if they won't ever leave me alone, I feel as if they'll continue to bully me. Poeple who did care about me didn't notice that I was getting bullied.
Those people aside now I'm thinking about my parents.
They don't really like who I am. My mom says she loves me, but sometimes it seems she just lies to me. Sometimes she says things like "Why did I go through so much pain just to have a horrible daughter like you?!" and "What weirdo have I given birth to?!" My Dad says "What's wrong with you? Why are you so anti-social. Your getting into things that won't help you be succesful in life." All my parents ever talk about is school, I can't tell if they want the best for me or for the family name anymore. My sister calls me things like "Cynical, anti-socail, dark, uncaring, rude, annoying, depressing to be with..." My cousins call me "Fatty." My ants and uncles treat me as if I'm a toy.
Family aside.
Here's what I think is wrong with me. I'm too self-centered. I don't care about anyone else. I can't stop talking about myself. That's why no one should treat me nicely.
Ugh...I can't shut up about myself...
I Wish You Darkness · Thu Jun 28, 2007 @ 01:16am · 3 Comments |