Ahh. I feel more relaxed now.
I think that laying off the computer did the trick.
I also think that I shall put this more into practice.
Over the past few days, I've been reminiscing about all the things that made me warm and feel loved.
There's one that, I hope, will stay with me all my life.
I had had a rough morning. Depression swelled throughout my body. I was at my breaking point. Some one pushed my buttons wrong and I broke down.
I cried hard. I had built a wall around me. My homeroom tried to console me with their lies. The teacher tried as well. It made me feel worse. Everytime they tried to console me, I would claw myself with my nails. It would go deep into my skin until I could feel the pain, until the blood actually came up and dripped down my arm.
I was sent to the school library to collect my thoughts and calm down. Unfortunately, it did not work.
An hour and so had passed. My science teacher walked into the room. It was the first time he had tried to console me during the whole school year. He gave me these words that helped me rebuild my composure. Unlike the others, he tried to speak to me on my level. He didn't try to claw deeper into the things he saw would make me feel worse.
He told me that there were three things that makes a strong and successful woman; Intelligience, Beauty, and Confidence. He told me that I he could see two of the three and that I could come to be anything possible if I fixed myself to the third. My poise was threaded together and I could stand on it.
What made me snap back was that he gave me his card. Something that I could use to keep in contact with him. He told me that I could call him to talk about the days or when I need some one to talk to.
"You may call me every day or maybe never call but I want you to know that I'm there."
He left me with words that made me feel like I was something. Fifteen minutes after he left, my composure was set and I left the library to continue my day.
I'm so happy.
I also found a few songs that I really like...as well as more songs I don't like.
'Ever Present Past' by Paul McCartney is THE awesome.
I love this song so damn much!
Paul McCartney was a former member of the Beatles. From the band's separation, he's the one who has prospered the most compared with other members of the Beatles. He's...old.
I also caught up on my doodling.
I think I'm getting more awesome at it by the day.
But I don't really like drawing the legs or waist too much any more. It's so troublesome.
I feel like white trash .-.
I hadn't changed my shirt for the past week or so.
Yes. I do bathe regularly. The winter is so cold.
I finally changed it yesterday.
My shirt didn't smell or look dirty. I don't think I emit much body odor. I'm getting more awesome as the years go by.
That makes me sound old. It's a good thing that I always feel ever young.
I think I'll resume truly playing tomorrow or on Wednesday.
Reality reveals so many ugly things but I think I prefer it rather than being plugged.
My daydreaming is better than being plugged.
Let's all meet in reality. Let's all touch each other's hearts in our dreams.
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