Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
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Kawamura Keigo
wiccan98
Kawamura Keigo
Draco got up from his chair after closing down. He was shivering so severely he wouldn't have been surprised if he would get a nosebleed in a moment.
Pansy was sitting right behind him, finishing her Potions homework.
"Hey Draco, you finally done? We could have some fun together now if you like, we could-" Draco didn't hear the rest of what she said because Till interrupted her abruptly;
"Smash the bottle in her face... make her bleed.... lick it up... Punch her.. Break her nose.. BREAK IT! BREAK HER! Bite her... tear her flesh off... Hurt her..Make her pay... Hurt her... "
That was definitely tempting... But no. Not now. Maybe later. he had to go see Ginny now... By the lake.. By the lake...
"Don't go! She's bringing her wand and you're not! she could kill you! You got drown! Don't go! The Golden Trio will be there! Laughing! They will embarrass you so much... Don't go! Please don't go!"
EUGH if only they would STOP! INTERRUPTING! EACH OTHER! life would be so. much. easier.
"...it's good you're finally getting help, darling...."
"Shut up," Draco mumbled as he turned to Pansy. He wasn't talking to her at all, but for some reason she listened any way. Probably because he did look like he was about to kill someone.
Luckily (for them) Draco didn't pass anybody else on the way to the lake. Till told him to "dive in and prepare for the cold to close your eyes for good", but beside that it was a pretty dreamy walk. Dreamy, because he was shivering so badly he couldn't really feel he was walking any more. He felt so angry it was like he was about to explode.
Oh...
She wasn't there...
He forced himself to sit down by simply relaxing completely, and tried to ignore Till's shouting as he waited for Ginny to arrive.
Pansy was sitting right behind him, finishing her Potions homework.
"Hey Draco, you finally done? We could have some fun together now if you like, we could-" Draco didn't hear the rest of what she said because Till interrupted her abruptly;
"Smash the bottle in her face... make her bleed.... lick it up... Punch her.. Break her nose.. BREAK IT! BREAK HER! Bite her... tear her flesh off... Hurt her..Make her pay... Hurt her... "
That was definitely tempting... But no. Not now. Maybe later. he had to go see Ginny now... By the lake.. By the lake...
"Don't go! She's bringing her wand and you're not! she could kill you! You got drown! Don't go! The Golden Trio will be there! Laughing! They will embarrass you so much... Don't go! Please don't go!"
EUGH if only they would STOP! INTERRUPTING! EACH OTHER! life would be so. much. easier.
"...it's good you're finally getting help, darling...."
"Shut up," Draco mumbled as he turned to Pansy. He wasn't talking to her at all, but for some reason she listened any way. Probably because he did look like he was about to kill someone.
Luckily (for them) Draco didn't pass anybody else on the way to the lake. Till told him to "dive in and prepare for the cold to close your eyes for good", but beside that it was a pretty dreamy walk. Dreamy, because he was shivering so badly he couldn't really feel he was walking any more. He felt so angry it was like he was about to explode.
Oh...
She wasn't there...
He forced himself to sit down by simply relaxing completely, and tried to ignore Till's shouting as he waited for Ginny to arrive.
_____________________________________________________________________
Ginny ran through the halls. she was almost out of breath and could feel a painful stitch in her side. But none of that mattered, all that mattered was her getting to the lake.
She would have already been there, if it wasn't for Harry, picking now to tell her that he was wrong all these years.
"Stupid Potter" Ginny growled as she turned the corner to the entrance hall.
She was so worried about Draco, she didn't even really know why. She knew he needed help, but did he really? What if he was just lying to get her away from the trio?
"Then he wouldn't have made sure you had your wand" Ginny told herself firmly.
No, she knew that this was real. Stupid Ginny for suggesting the lake, what if Till told him to drown himself, or her?
She pushed open the door and continued to run down to the lake.
Finally she saw the silohette of Draco. she wanted to call to him, but she could barely breathe.
She ran right up behind him and tapped his shoulder while she tried to discretely catch her breath.
"Hey," Draco said in a tone that could be consider enthused, surprised and annoyed at the same time.
She's panthing... Put your hands around her neck... strangle her... take her breath away... DO IT! You can dump her in the lake, there is nobody here... Strangle her.. She'll cling to you... Tightly.. Drag you along.. Depths of the lake... Enclosing.. Invisible drowsy weight... forever there when you are not...DONT TOUCH HER SHE GOTTA WAND!Just talk to her love, just words. We'll all get out of here safe and sound.
"...Erm... "
Draco wasn't sure what to do. He knew Suzanna was who he should listen to...
"Why did you want to see me?" He had to keep talking to Ginny. Her voice was real.
____________________________________________________________________
"Honestly, I don't know, I wanted to make sure you were okay, and I figured that us talking on the computer wouldn't distract you from Till. Then again I guess I 'm not sure if me talking to you in person will either." Ginny paused for a moment. She sounded so stupid to herself.
"So....he wants you to kill me right now doesn't he?" Ginny asked, holding her breathe as she waited for a reply.
Draco nodded slowly, but clearly was very distracted.
"He erm... " He nodded in the direction of the lake, and noticed how is right shoulder started to twitch oddly. "..wants me to take you for a swim, so to say...." He smiled awkwardly, but was afraid to look into Ginny's eyes. It was weird to face someone and talk about 'them', especially considering he used to avoid her like the plague!
He was awkwardly twitchy...And indeed, grabbing her throat was tempting.. Squeeze it... Feel her struggle...
He didn't notice he was staring at her throat. Nor did he notice his eye was twitching and his fists were clenched.
____________________________________________________________________
Ginny's flicked over Draco's body. She could tell he was tense. He was standing un-naturally straight and it looked as though he was about to start sweating even though it was a chilly night.
Ginny suddenly noticed that his eyes were no longer on hers, instead they were now on her throat. She moved her glance downward and she saw that his fists were clenching and un-clenching.
She had to help him, distract him, for his and her own safety. Her mind thought rapidly, she could only think of one thing to do, but she wasn't sure if it was a good thing.
Slowly she took a deep calming breath. She grabbed Draco's hand and looked him right in the eyes.
"Lets take a walk in the Quidditch pitch" she said as she gently squeezed his hand so he knew she wasn't letting go.
Without waiting for an answer she started to pull him away from the lake and towards the pitch.
"Alllllllriiiight..." Draco replied slowly, but clearly amused. The sudden action had left his tension shed and abandoned in the previous moment.
"Why in the Quidditch pitch?" he asked hastily, when he noticed Till was raising his voice again. He didn't really care for the answer, but he had to keep the conversation going in order to feel safe.
He had never held hands with a girl and walked over the Quidditch pitch by evening before. He decided he liked it.
_____________________________________________________________________
Ginny shifted uncomfortably. She had seen the question coming. it wasn't the question that bothered her as much as she worried her answer might bother him. She could lie to him and just say that she liked the pitch because it was peaceful. That is why she wanted to go to the lake though.
"Uh...Honestly I think that at this moment the pitch is the...uh...safest place." Ginny said. She found herself unable to lie to him for some reason.
"He doesn't deserve to be lied to." She thought to herself as they continued to walk.
Draco mistook Ginny's hesitation for dishonesty, and became suspicious immediately. "It's a big open field... How is it safe?"
"It isn't safe; you can smash her brains in!"
Till was loud. So loud there was a very annoying high tone in Draco's ears now.
"f**k her 'till she faints, then bite her in her face! Bite her nose off! "
"...wait up..." Draco stopped walking. had he just said Ginny should wait, or had he thought about telling her? He couldn't hear his own voice.
"Strangle her... Cut her open... Bite her... Break her..."
"I'm erm..."
"BREAK HER!"
Draco's eyes hooked into Ginny's, and he just HAD to stop walking.
____________________________________________________________________
Ginny stopped walking. She could tell that something was seriously wrong. Draco was almost shouting at her and she couldn't figure out why.
"I think that the pitch is safer because there isn't much that Till can tell you to do to me there. he can't tell you to hold my head under the lake cuz it's too far away."
Ginny rubbed her thumb over Draco's hand in an attempt to call him, she wasn't sure if it would work or not though.
"Draco you can trust me, I would not lie to you. I don't know why, but for some strange reason I just can't lie to you." Ginny said as she looked straight into Draco's cold hard grey eyes.
"Please Draco, trust me."
Draco focussed on her lips rather than her eyes when she spoke, because the high tone was louder than she was. She, too, sounded like she was coming from far away... and he was terrified to wake up hanging upside down from a ceiling, finding out he had wet himself again.
But no, she had to be real, she HAD to be!
To prove this to himself, he firmly took both of her hands. Was she slipping away? were these her hands he was feeling, or the dry tough rope that only seemed soft because of his sweat of fear? When he felt his nails dig into her hands and actually see the skin change colour, he knew enough and he instantly let go.
Till's shouting was as comprehensible as deafening consonants could be, and he was thankful for that... But he regretted how he couldn't hear if Ginny was talking or not. So he looked up at her face again and realized he had hurt her.
_____________________________________________________________________
Ginny felt Draco take both her hands in his and felt a sudden rush. That rush only lasted a minute though. She almost gasped in shock when she felt his nails dig into her skin. It didn't hurt, she had been through a lot worse, but it really surprised her. She looked up into his eyes and saw the regret on his face. She knew that he didn't intentionally try to hurt her, he must have had a reason for needing this particular form of physical contact.
"He probably needed to feel something real." Ginny thought as she continued to stare into his grey eyes; they seemed to hve sofened slightly, but only slightly.
"I HAVE to distract him, I need to make him see that there is more than just Till. The other ones we can deal with later, Till was the real threat now.
Suddenly an Idea came to her, it wasn't the safest thing to do right now, especially with Draco, but it always seemed to calm her.
She squeezed his hands tightly to try and let him know that she was still there and wasn't leaving.
"Wanna go for a ride?"
"A ride?" She was coming through... Which probably meant Till was thinking of what to do to her.
"...you mean... On a broomstick?"
The moment he pronounced this, he knew it was probably a silly question. Horseback riding wasn't a custom in Hogwarts. In fact, it was highly unusual.
At home he did it often, but here he had to leave 'Bread' as he named his horse completely in his Mother's hands.
But in Hogwarts... Ginny probably thought he was a lunatic AND an idiot. And she considered it weird he wasn't in Hufflepuff. Or something. Yes, that's probably what she thought... She hates you...
____________________________________________________________________
"Yah on a broom. Or we could ride the Thestrials, but I don't like them, too skeletal, I'd prefer to ride any animal but them." Ginny said as she walked him over to the locker room where the spare brooms were kept.
"I like feeling the wind whip my hair and I love how the rush of the air can drown out all sound." Ginny said without thinking. She was talking to him as if he was an old best friend, he probably thinks she is so stupid!
"He is no longer an enemy though, that is a plus...I think." Ginny thought as she went to reach for one of the school brooms.
"Do you want your own, or do you want to ride with me?" She asked as she grabbed a broom and turned to face him again.
"I don't..." "BREAK HER!" "think.. " "THROW HER OFF AND BREAK HER!" "it would be...wise""BREAK HER NECK! HER LIFE! HER FAMILY!" "to ride together..."
"BREAK HER! f**k HER! STAB HER! KILL HER!"
____________________________________________________________________
Ginny heard the stutter in his tone, it sounded as though it was the hardest thing in the world for him to get out that sentence. She looked up into his face and noticed the internal battle he was having with himself. She silently agreed that riding togehter wouldn't be wise.
"Maybe we will be able to ride together sometime, but not now." She thought as she turned back around to grab another broom off the wall.
"Perhaps you are right. We should ride alone." She said in a soft tone yet a loud enough voice for him to hear as she turned to face him again.
She handed him the broom and as soon as it was out of her hands she grabbed his free hand and sqeezed tighter than she had ever before. She wanted to show him that she was here, that she was real. It was just her and Draco, going out to the pitch for a quiet peaceful broom ride.
She tugged his hand gently and started to walk out of the locker rooms.
She rubbed her thumb agaisnt the palm of his hand as they crossed the threshold to go out onto the pitch.
"Please let this calm him, and please let him be okay. I don't think I could bear it if I saw him fall....or jump....off his broom because of me." She thought to herself as they began to walk out onto the grass.
She inwardly shivered at the thought of Draco laying broken on the Quidditch pitch tonight. thankfully she didn't shiver on the outside.
Draco smiled at her clumsily, thankfully, and realised Ginny was the first person ever who was voluntarily spending time with him just to make him feel better.
"That would be good." He felt he owed her. A lot.
He should probably pay her or something... Look at his Father sweetly and claim he had a girlfriend he wanted to buy presents for?
Wait. WHY was 'girlfriend' the first thing he thought of?
Till took advantage of his train of thought to insist Draco would f**k her, Benjamin ranted about STD's with bad endings and Suzanna was just proud.
"I'm completely mental," Draco thought to himself as he looked at Ginny, trying to ignore the voices, "but I'm glad I am."
Pathetic as it may be, he had never felt so close to anybody as he felt to Ginny right now. She didn't seem to expect anything from him, and he never knew that could feel so relieving.
Especially since his Father always told him people live up to expectations, and Draco should be glad his Father never accepted anything the way it was. It always had to be better. Because if everything was all right, what was the point in living?
Draco took the broomstick and pushed the thoughts of his Father back to the right little section of his mind that contained bullcrap, and hoped nothing bad would happen that could scare Ginny away.
Ginny reluctantly let go of Draco's hand to mount her broom. She always got a feeling of warmth when they touched, and a feeling of emptiness when she had to let go.
She looked out into the night and just gazed at the stars for a moment. She felt as if nothing could go wrong while she was gazing up into the peaceful night sky. She looked over at Draco qiuckly and something inside of her told her that he felt the same. Though she didn't know how that would even be possible going through what he has and is going through.
All Ginny knew for certain was that Draco needed help, and her help. She knew that if he didn't want help, even if it was deep down where he couldn't relize he needed help, he had asked her for it as soon as he told her about Till Suzanna and Benjamin. She wanted to know Draco, to really get to know him. If that meant getting to know the four of them then fine, as long as Draco was included.
"Ready?" Ginny asked as she prepared to kick off.
Draco mounted his broom and gave a quick nod before kicking off. He loved flying because he hated it. Being surrounded by absolutely nothing made him feel uncomfortably comfortable. He thought that's what it felt like to die, except dying probably felt... heavier.
He sighed heavily at the thought, because it shut up all voices when he thought about it (and secretly considered it)
After a moment of meditative silence in which he didn't realize the existence of anything but the nothing surrounding him, Ginny's presence and Till's whining slipped back in his consciousness and he decided he should say something.
"Do you fly often?"
Ginny loved flying it took all her worries away, this time was slightly different though. She did feel more at ease but she forced herself to remain attentive of what Draco was doing and where he was. She didn't want it to seem like she was shadowing her so she stayed a few feet back, but she was close enough to hear him if he spoke.
She was slipping away from everything and getting lost in the moment as she heard Draco speak.
"Do you fly often"
She silently thanked him for breaking her out of the nothingness that had started to cloud her mind. She knew that the only way she was going to stay completely attentive of Draco was if they kept talking. She was sure that he was only trying to make small talk and not a whole conversation, but she decided to answer him fully anyways.
"Yeah, ever since I was five. My brothers always thought I shouldn't fly because I am a girl, so when they weren't looking, or weren't around, I would break into the shed and steal their brooms for an afternoon. They still haven't found out." Ginny said with a mischevious smile.
"What about you?"
"Nice," Draco replied with a big grin. He was glad to hear this for some reason. This little bit of personal information was a very big deal to him. People rarely shared personal little stories like that with him.
Hmn... Did he like flying? Saying it kind of reminded him of dying somehow didn't seem very wise. It seemed a bit too personal right now.
"I used to want to ride horses, but... They noticed I was afraid of them so my parents gave me a broomstick," he grinned in a way that could be considered apologizing. "So it's kind of second choice, really... I love not being part of anything like when flying, but... I don't know, it sometimes makes me feel..."
...like I'm dying...
...afraid...
...free...
"...hollow. I'm not sure why."
Ginny grined and nodded in an understanding way, she wasn't sure how she understood but she did. She knew the hollow feeling he was talking about, but on a different level that she didn't want to think about right now.
"Horseback riding sounds interesting but I've never tried it. I like to though. Have you tried riding the Thestrials? They are liked winged horses, it would be like horseback riding and broom riding in a way....I think, but I can't say for sure." Ginny said. Just after the words left her lips she mentally kicked herself for sounding so stupid.
"They kind of scare me," he replied shrugging, as he flew up and down for a bit just to feel the breeze and the odd feeling you have when you're in an elevator, too. "I used to think they were-" He interrupted himself with silence. It was such a sully thought! But then again, Ginny probably knew by now he wasn't completely sane... He didn't have much to lose.
"..that... they were..." No, it didn't work that way. If he wanted her to understand, he had to explain it to her chronologically. Without too much details, because if she wasn't interested and only listening to be polite, he shouldn't bore her. "I had a horse... Her name was Maddison, and erm... She was the first horse I wasn't afraid to ride. Annnd... She tripped one day and became cripple.. So... My Father insisted I killed her. Because well yeah; I got her cripple, too."
He bit his lip. Did he want to tell her?
"I didn't have a wand yet... So... I kind of... Tried to kill her with... A rock.... But.. it didn't work.. So..." It was playing in front of his eyes now. Till wanted to see it, so he could see it too.
"...I... Got a... Horseshoe... and... Kind of.. Stabbed it in her eye until I damaged her brains so badly she died...."
A very painful memory indeed. Till's laughter kind of made that extra clear.
"I used to think the Thestrials were ghosts of Maddison or something... You know... Hating me for doing it and wanting revenge...."
Ginny was shocked by his answer, but not scared by it, just shocked that he would tell her something so intamiate.
"Oh Draco I am so sorry. That was a horriable thing for your father to make you do, but I doubt Maddison would blame you. Horses can't live if they are cripple, the daily pain would be torture, you did do her a favour, but your father should have done it because he had a wand and it would have been quicker." Ginny flew closer to him and rubbed his back soothinly, she thought about hugging him, but decided that it would be too soon.
"And your not the first one to have to kill an animal, it is hard. I don't the pain and guilt ever really goes away."
That hand on his back made Draco feel really out of place. It was as if it should be one of her brothers here, not him! How did they possibly grow from 'enemies' to... this in less than a day!?
He had no clue. It felt odd having someone so close, touching him. Sure, Pansy had touched him all over, but it had been very different. She didn't seem to actually care about him at all. Ginny did.
Somehow, he couldn't even think 'Ginny seemed to'. It would just be weird if she wasn't genuine. After all, she was here with him, no personal gain whatsoever, right? Unless....
Unless she had the golden trio read along and they were just going to 'get back' at him for... Not being nice to them? Till thought so.
Benjamin agreed silently.
"Give her a chance?"
It was hard. Hard not to move away from her hand.
"I suppose so," he said, in the tone he used towards people he didn't like. She was coming too close. Far too close.
Ginny felt him tense under her touch. She should have known that it was too soon for this type of contact.
"Thank god I didn't hug him, imagine what he would have been like then." Ginny thought to herself.
She slowly removed her hand from his back. She didn't want to move it to quickly and have him think that she didn't want to touch him. She needed to keep a conversation going.....
"So tell me more about yourself, what do you like to do?" Ginny asked, and again felt stupid for it.
"I mean, I don't really know you that well, and I would like to." SHe said the last part in a lower voice, she half hoped that he hadn't heard her, but she also wanted to know what he thought about her wanting to get to know him. Possibly even being friends with him. Was that too much to ask?
Draco was currently strongly doubting her intentions. He didn't want to 'lose' her though, so he decided to answer, but not tell too many personal things. She knew more than most people did about him already.
"I erm... I like reading... horseback riding... Quidditch... Getting things done the way I want them to be done, and sleeping." What else did he like? Not too personal things, of course. Should he mention he loved to read his mother's paperback novels? That he really enjoyed helping Dobby in the kitchen when his parents didn't notice? That he sometimes really did appreciate Till, Benjamin and Suzanna being there? That he feared spending his life without any real friends? Alone? And that he feared he would die on the sofa and have nobody attend his funeral? That the Malfoy bloodline would end with him because he would never be able to find someone who would want to be with him forever?
Nah, those things... She probably didn't want to know. "If I'd tell you more I'd have to kill you," he said without thinking, realising Till did the talking the moment the sentence was finished. He hadn't used a threatening tone; it had sounded like a joke... But the sentence had come from him so unexpectedly it couldn't have been his words. In fact, he didn't realise he pronounced them until he closed his mouth and felt his dry lips brush over one another. He felt shocked. He didn't scare her away now, did he? "Ehm.. I mean.. How about you?"
Ginny could tell that he was just giving her short and quick answers.
"Maybe he doesn't want to talk." She thought to herself.
But even though he sounded like he was trying to break away from the conversation, and was giving her vauge details that almost every student in Hogwarts would also say, she still hung onto his every word. Then the words changed from normal to scary.
"If I'd tell you more I'd have to kill you" She heard Draco say it, and she knew that she had not imagined it, but why then did she not believe it. He didn't sound like himself while he said it, he sounded like he was in a type of trance. She shocked herself when she realized that she wasn't really all that scared of his words. For reason that she couldn't explain at the moment she knew she trusted Draco, not as much as she trusted her mum, but deffinately more than she trusted her dad.
"If only he would trust me too." She thought sadly. Then she heard his attempt to cover it up;
""Ehm.. I mean.. How about you?" His voice sounded unsure to Ginny, but decided to answer it anyway.
"The same things as you really, but I also enjoy baking, Hate cooking though. Uh...I like writing..." Ginny was thinking of other things to say when something she didn't feel very comfortable talking about just came up like word vomit;
"And I'd love for someone to invent a forgetfulness potion, that can get rid of bad memories for good." As soon as she said it she regreted it.
"So...What did you mean when you said; 'If I'd tell you more I'd have to kill you'"
"I don't... know... But... I didn't mean it... " Draco was pondering. Since when did Till do his talking? He knew he could do it, he had known it for a long time, because whenever his father would say something that knocked Draco out completely verbally, Till would have a brilliant comeback and Draco would allow him to pronounce it.
But now... Draco hadn't even remotely considered giving Till a chance to speak! Why had he done so any way? Was he able to force himself 'out' like that? Why now, because he was getting help? Or had it just been an extremely weak state of mind Draco was in that moment and had Till simply taken a little bit advantage of it? Would he ever get these questions answered?
In order to drop the topic, because the more he thought about it the more he felt like he was suffering from vertigo, he decided to respond to what Ginny had said about the forgetfulness potion. "Things could of course simply be Obliviated... But there's always the chance of losing parts of your memories that define who you are. Bad memories do define a great deal of your character, I'm sure."
Ginny realized that he was having a hard time explaining it so when he suddenly dropped it she decided not to pry. She had half hoped that Draco wouldn't pay attention to her little word vomit about her memories, but instead he dicided to acknowledge it. She knew that what he said was right, and that she shouldn't want
the memories gone, but they were so painful sometimes.
"I know, and I have thought of Obliviate, but I don't wanna take the chance of someone messing it up. I know that I should keep them, and not try to repress them but sometimes they are too painful." Ginny had to stop there for a few reasons. She had gotten too close to telling Draco exactly what those memories were, She was close to tears as they started to play in her mind, and she was supposed to be helping him, not changing the spotlight to her. She didn't even want the attention on her, because she loved helping people, while she listened and talked to someone else about their problems she was able to temporairily forget her own, so her helping someone else also helped her. She also felt like it was the least she could do for a person, and of course there were just those people who she felt compleled to help; and right know Draco was one of them.
It would make her day of when they went to part was he turned and said; 'Thank you for helping'
"Be realistic, that won't happen, because you aren't helping all that much, and you know it!" Her mind screamed at her.
Draco frowned a little, thankful for the distraction from his thoughts. "What memories?" he asked curiously, willing to risk her become annoyed rather than answering.
He knew memories, especially bad ones, were a sensitive topic. Heh,if anybody knew it was him! His problem was that he didn't know what memories were memories of things that happened, and what memories were dreams. Worse, even: he didn't even know if he was here and if the previous 13 years had happened at all!
On top of that, he sometimes somehow got flashes of imagery from Till, and every now and then from Benjamin, too. He suspected those to be memories... But how could not real people's memories be in his head!? That was just too crazy for words. But yeah, he was too, so that didn't really say anything.
Ginny heard his question and seriously considered not telling him and just brushing it off, but she also noticec the genuine curiosity in his voice, so she decided to answer.
"Well, everyone has bad memories, to list all of them would take a lifetime. But there are two that are the most painful, One of them I'm sure you already know....almost everyone does,.....but the other..uh....no one knows." Ginny had to stop for a moment, she tried to discretly wipe the tears off her cheeks, she really hoped Draco didn't notice she was crying.
"The one, is about Tom Riddle and the chamber back in my first year. Everyone know about it, the other is about my dad, and it just happened recently so it is still fresh and it stings." Ginny had to stop again she was really close to crying hysterically.
"Can we land first?" She asked as she tried to make it look like she was scratching her face, when she was in fact wiping more tears away. She didn't want to be in the air in case she did start uncontroliby crying, that wasn't safe. But was crying in front of Draco the best thing?
"Your d-.. Oh sure! Yes, of course!" Her dad? Was Arhur Weasley capable of making girls cry? Making her daughter cry? Was it evil or not from Draco to hope it was something serious she was crying about, and not something like him guaranteeing her he would never buy her a pony?
Probably not, because Till didn't jump in to give his opinion. He did want Draco to fly down so fast he would break all his limbs though. Or knock her out of the sky.
Suzanna wanted him to hug her. Benjamin wanted her to stay away.
Draco was grateful to get his feet back on the ground again. The weak remains of vertigo faded, and the hollow feeling made way for his usual nervous equanimity.
"If you don't want to tell me you don't have to..."
She totally owes you her life story though.
Ginny landed beside him and sat down on the grass. She thought that perhaps she shouldn't tell anyone, just keep it in, it'll fade with time. She told herself that since the day it happened, but another part of her was saying that if she did tell someone then it might help, and at this moment that part of her was winning the battle.
"No, it's not that I don't want to tell you it's just that I haven't told anyone so I don't know how hard or easy it'll be." Ginny paused to take a deep and calming breath. She saw it all flash before her eyes, the look that her father had in his eyes that day was something he could never forget. The image haunted her dreams. It was all she saw when she closed her eyes, his face, his eyes, were burned into the back of her eyelids.
"Okay......The summer before my fourth year my family decided to go to Diagon Ally to do the school shopping, but I didn't want to go, I wanted the house to myself. So I said I had a headache and stayed home. About twenty minutes after everyone left my father came back. He said that he wanted to stay with me incase my 'Headache' got worse. Bullshit ******** liar. Sorry.
Anyway, long story short he didn't actually come back to make sure my 'headache' wouldn't get worse he instead...uh...he..." Ginny had to stop to take a few more deep calming breaths, this was harder than she thought it would be. She trusted Draco, but it was hard to voice this memory, and she was sure that it would be just as hard, if not harder, even if she was telling one of her best friends.
"Sorry. He raped me. The rest of the family was gone for hours so he did it repeatidly......and your the first person I've ever told."
Ginny finished her story and wiped her tears. She looked up into Draco's face, she was worried what his reaction might be.
"As long as he doesn't think I am lying, anything would be better than that." She thought to herself while she bit her lip with worry.
Draco felt a sting. It was probably his conscience poking him. How often had he been joking about incest in the Weasley family? Six, seven times? A week?
"....a pretty big deal...."
She's been raped already, she's got nothing to lose any more, no pride, no virginity... Do it. DO IT! [******** RAPE HER ALREADY! "You may want to tell... someone who can help you though.. I mean... Someone... To check if.. Things... I don't know... Like Pomfrey you know...."
He didn't know what to say. In his mother's paperback novels, people usually hugged or something like now. Draco couldn't, though. He was afraid what Till might make him do. "I'm... Oddly.. honoured? It's... "
WHY DID HE FAIL AT SOCIAL INTERACTION!? He had three people with him for LIFE and yet he couldn't communicate the way he wanted to! He decided to just shut up, and awkwardly patted her back the way she had done to him.
Ginny felt him start to pat her back, she knew that this must have been hard for him, but she was really grateful for it.
"Yeah I thought about that too, I mean I knew that I had to get checked..you know for pregnancy and s**t. I went to St. Mungos that night, it was a b***h trying to sneak out. All I told them was that I was raped and didn't know who did it. They weren't allowed to tell my parents because I said I didn't want them to know. They did a full exam, I wasn't pregnant, but they had me take a potion anyway just to be sure, and they said that I should find someone to talk to about it, that it would help me heal, but I couldn't think of anyone to tell. Everyone knows my family in one way or another, and I know that my father would find out. And I won't tell my mum because then she would make him leave and that would break her heart, and it would be all my fault." Ginny finally stopped crying her silent tears.
She wanted him to know the other reason why she didn't tell anyone, she knew it was stupid though and she didn't want Draco to voice the fact that she was being stupid.
"Also....I kinda feel like it's my fault he did it, like if I would have gone then he wouldn't have had a chance to, or if I had been better? I know that I'm wrong but....." She trailed off, she didn't know what else to say, and she was afraid to look into those grey eyes and see nothing but coldness, or disgust.
"You're wrong." he stated it simply, but then realized she probably had no idea what exactly he was trying to tell her right now. "I mean... You are completely outnumbered against him. As in... He is your Father." Draco's tone was strict, but he automatically kept his voice low now. It was a very intimate thing they were discussing, after all.
"He is your parent. He is supposed to take care of you and teach you all you need to know about life before sending you into it. He had NO right WHATSOEVER to do this to you, all right?" He was starting to get a little angry. He didn't know why. Was it Till? Probably. Till was angry. He wanted to ... do what Arthur did.
"It is NEVER the child's fault. You're barely old enough to WATCH stuff like that, let alone participate in it. Not even mentioning it was involuntarily. Please understand that," he gave her an expression that seemed pretty damn helpless, since he had no idea if what he was saying was making sense. Hell, for as far as he knew, Suzanna was talking, after all. She declined this though.
Ginny knew that he was right, she had tried to tell herself the same thing countless times, but she couldn't help the way she felt.
"I know, your right, I shouldn't blame myself, and I shouldn't worry about breaking up the family over something he did, but I can't help the way I feel. No one can." Ginny took a deep breath, it was amazing how much sense Draco made, and how glad she was that she told him.
"I just don't know what to do, I've never known. But I am glad that I told someone, I am glad that I told you actually. What do you think I should do?" Ginny asked as she began to bit her lower lip again. It was a habit that she should really try to quit.
Draco wasn't sure what she should do. He had been in a lot of awkward and difficult situations, but being raped wasn't one of them.
"Tell someone who can actually be of help, I suppose.." He hesitated for a moment. Who could that be? He himself would probably tell his mother, but he could imagine it being difficult for her to.
"I think... " he paused for a moment, just to listen to Till's ranting for a moment, "That... you should probably tell someone in your family. I don't know what your relations are with them, but I know that they will have to know eventually. It's best to tell them yourself rather than have your dad ******** your mum and say your name, so to say." There. Draco knew he was right. If they were going to find her diary if she had one, or if she was going to have nightmares and hallucinations like he knew she could have, it was best for them to know why, at least. He had no idea Till had done some of his talking.
Ginny thought Draco was right. She knew that she had to tell someone, and that it should be someone in her family. But what was that part about her dad ******** her mum? It was hard to hear after what she has been through and after what she told him! The weirdest thing was not that he said it, it was also how he acted after he said it, as if there was nothing wrong with his statement. Something told her that he didn't really even know he had said it, but how could he not?
Ginny decided to ignore it for now.
"I really am glad that I told you. I think it would have been harder to tell someone else. And you listening helped me alot. Sorry to bug you with all of this. But you should know that I won't regret telling you first." Ginny said, she had to turn her face away from him because she could feel the hot blush start to travel up from her neck to her cheeks. Did she dare tell him what she heard? Should she ask him about it??
She decided after a short internal battle that she should, she had to know what he meant.
"So, what was with that little statement you made? You know the one where you said 'your dad ******** your mum and say your name' what was that about??" Ginny asked in a tone that could be considered a mix of hurt, confusion, and slight anger.
Draco was relieved he hadn't been talking nonsense, but felt a little confused when she asked him that last thing. It was as if someone was writing in the wrong window on MSN, he just didn't feel addressed at all. "Wha-... I didn't say that...?"
Then, slowly,he started to consider the possibility of maybe... Till... "I mean-I didn't MEAN to say that! I... " He fel shocked. Not just because of saying it, but also because it meant Till could burst out and talk for him any time! "I'm sorry."
Ginny wasn't sure if she believed him or not. First he says that he didn't say it, them he says that he didn't mean it, and then he says he's sorry! She couldn't remember Draco saying he was sorry to anyone before! Why would he start with a Weasley It didn't make sense!
"It's okay." Ginny said after a moments pause. She would never understand him, or why she couldn;t lie to him, or why she believed what he said.
"Probably because no one would lie about something that could break them emotionally." She said to herself, and had to admit that it made more sense than anything lately.
"Draco, If we were in the halls together tomorrow would you be able to act civil like today? or would you go back to your usual self? Hating me because of my surname?"
Ginny knew that it was an odd question, but she had to know where Draco and herself stood! Were they stil hated enemies because of a name, or were they less than enemies, but not quite friends? Or....were they actually friends? Or atleast close to it. She needed to know! But she wasn't sure if she'd be able to handle the answer.
Wow, tough question... Hate her... Hate her.. HATE HER! you HATE HER! HATE! HATE! HATE! ********! BREAK HER! HATE HER! "I don't know... I couldn't stand people... responding... if I suddenly am nice to you... I think... I will just... ignore you... If that's all right..." Talking about odd... Asking people to ignore them? You're being horribly rude! When you ignore her, you won't be able to keep an eye on her... "Oh! In public, that is... I don't know... It's just... " It was difficult to answer this, because he had no idea what he wanted. "We'll see, okay? I don't really know."
Ginny had expected that, but it still hurt a little.
"I figured that would be your answer. I just needed to know, I know that I don't hate you anymore. I don't know how much I like you but I do know that it is far from hate." Ginny said all of this in a low voice. She needed to get it out, but found it hard to believe that she went from hating him to not hating him so quickly! She was so confused lately. She didn't know who she was or who she liked. But she knew that she liked Draco, she trusted him, and she wanted him and her to continue this relationship. That was what scared her the most.
"Do you still hate me?" She asked as she began to bit her lip once again.
This made Draco smile; he just couldn't help it. She seemed really desperate for him to like her, didn't she? "You're on top of my 'I-Like-You-list," he said with a grin, knowing that was the lamest answer he had ever given to anything, but he didn't really care. It was fun to say this to someone else than Suzanna, really. Real. Someone real.
It was almost as if there was hope. Hope for him to NOT spend his life alone. Spending his life with Ginny wasn't exactly what he was thinking of, but since he had and Ginny had gone from severe disliking to nearly friends, he did feel there was a chance he could find someone with who he would go from liking to loving. The thought of Ginny eventually detesting him because of Till (or worse; because of other reasons) was pushed far away in the corner of his mind where he kept bullshit, and forced the smile to stay where it was.
