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So this past week having a child has been on my mind. The thought has gotten me depressed, happy, silent, pissed, well almost every emotion. I thought of names to name my kiddo (if i have an), what colors i should paint their room, how its going to be hard fo rme to et pregnant....and if i'll even be able to keep the kiddo (as in not lose it while i'm pregnant). So many things. And well yea i'm going to say in this journal what my plans are to be if i do get the blessing of having a kid.
Well for one we all know that when it comes to me...its very hard to handle. I do throw tantrums, i do get upset easily, i do not like taking "no" as an answer to some things, i'm very "needy" when it comes to some things, and so many more things. Poor man that has to deal with me, but here is what i thought. I will A-move in with my parents during this time, specially cause my mom wants that as well; B-(if the guy permits) have one of my closest loves(friends) live with us during that time; C-Me and him can try to figure something out to avoid those two. My mom says i'm very "needy" and very kiddish, that when i'm pregnant iwill need someone wiht me 24/7 because of that. It wouldnt have to be the same person, but basicly have atleast one person with me through out the time.
My favorite thing that made me smile was thinking of names. Though obveasly that woudl have to be talked through with the guy. Seeng i cant just choose a name with out asking the guy about it. (it would be completly wrong as well). Though some names i personall like are: Amalie, Midnight, Luna Miel, Liebe, Eserique, Azurite, Neon, Charlie, Dante, Exelyre, Zyfridus, Vampir, Zeydl, Wölfel, Wolf, Merlin, Czyne, etc... Yes most are medieval names. I absolutly love the meieval era. Its simple amazing! (and yes if i get married that is deffinatly the theme). Well i like those names, they are fasinating. Eserique, Amalie, Vampir, and Midnight are my favorite.
And then, i started thinking about the "what if's"....What if i never get to have a child, what if the father of the kid(s) desides to leave us, what if i'm not a good mother... It really saddens me to think of it all. The "what if's".

Seriously...i really dolove kids...i really do want to have one of my own....I apolagize cause of this journal... It has been on my mind for a week...so it's sorta unsettling me a bit. I'ma little uneasy with soe stuff.