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It's possible I'm skitzophrenic, or bipolar.. or some other mental disorder that means there's two me's.. I don't know what's with me.

Last night, I was just heartbroken.. spazzing because I felt like Chloe was going to eventually move on, and leave me...

But now.. I just.. don't care? I don't know.. I guess I accepted it now. Like i'm not me anymore.. I'm James B now.. who's more calm, and understanding.. where James A is very emotional and sporadic.. James B read Chloe's journal.. and.. he's okay. He understands.. he's alright.. I just really don't know what's going on with me.

I guess James B understands I need to give Chloe space before I lose her.. James A just wants to latch to her and never let go.. but meh, James A also gets me in trouble.. SO, we'll go with B on this one.. the harder I try to latch to her, the more I'm pushing her away.. so, it's one of those times where the only right thing to do is to let them go.. I think I love her enough to be able to do that, for her. Give her the space she needs, let her make her own decisions, and stop trying to force her into what -I- want..

Besides, it's all fate anyways.. sitting here throwing my everything at her won't make a s**t of a difference if we aren't meant to be anyways, right? So there's really nothing I can do. I'll just make good memories while I have the chance.. and if I do end up with her in the future, then so be it.. if not, I'll always have the memories.

At the end of the day, it's all we really have anyways. You don't take your possessions with you over to the next life, you don't take your friends, or your lovers.. but you'll always have those memories.. so I think I'm pretty much fulfilled in life. I've experienced it all, and if I die tommorow, I won't have any regrets. heart