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Barry is going to Chicago, to visit his friend.. he said he won't move there, or, he PROBABLY won't.. but.. hm. I don't know.. if he does, I'll be here alone.

I really felt bad about springing my daydream on Chloe, too. She has SO much to worry about with school, and everything else; it's just.. too much for her. She discussed it with me, and... she really doesn't want me to live there right away, after my first visit... but.. I think, that if I save up enough money, and I actually can afford it, I'll just live down there, if I like it. I'll find a job, and all.

I'll probably have to live with Chloe and her roommate for a month or so though ><;;; I don't want to bother her with .. well, me, and .. well even though we got a long at the hotel, I'm sure she'll need her personal space... and I'd feel bad just barging in like that.. -sigh-

She said that if we got a chance, she'll just drive down here, pick me up, and take me to missouri where she lives, and all.. but I really want to drive my own vehicle there, so I actually can drive, and so I actually can get around and everything, ya know..

I'm considering just sticking with her original idea, of me going for a week then coming back... but.. parting hurts so much.. and I know that once I get there, I really WON'T want to leave. I'll....want to stay with her, for...ever...

...that....scares me... i'm terrified....................i love her.........x x;

anyways.. I'll probably just end up driving up there, or .. something. I don't know.. -sigh-

I'm not going to worry about it yet, because there's a bunch of what ifs in the way, and it's still a long ways away, so I'm going to stop stressing over it.. I shouldn't have brought it up.. but.. well it brought up my mood, it helped me forget the past, it's making the.. stuff seem so obsolete, and it seems so .. achievable!

I feel like i really can do this........like I might actually do something on my own, I might actually be able to change things in my life, things might actually happen because I want them to...this is the first night in a while I think I might actually get sleep ^ ^;;

I hope she does well in school.. and I haven't been telling her, but I've been fighting my insecurities and trust issues. It's really so easy this time around though, because in my gut, I know to trust her. My mind is beating my hearts a**, telling my heart, "******** YOU INSECURITIES, ******** YOUR FACE, WE LOVE THIS GIRL. AS SCARY AS IT IS, AS HARD AS YOU FIGHT IT, ... we really do love her."

><;;;;;; ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh x x;

I'VE NEVER LOVED ANYONE THIS MUCH BEFORE

i've never felt such a strong bond to someone.. it scares me ehhhhh = =;;;
EHHHHHHHHHHHH x x;;

I know it'll be okay, but eh... x x'.. I just.... i want her.. i want our relationship to not be long distance.. ill do whatever it takes.. just to be with her.. i'd sell my kidney, if thats what it took to spend a day with her.. only a day, for a kidney.. I'd be ripping the guy off, she's worth so much more....she's worth my entire body...

so even if I didn't have anything else left, but a pair of eyes, a nose, ears, and lips, I'd be okay..

eyes to see her beauty.. a nose to smell her wonderful scent... ears to hear her heavenly voice, and lips to press against her amazing lips..

it'd be well worth it.. well worth it...