Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

so pissed

hate myself right now

really.. really feel shitty....

me and chloe had a fight.

it's all my fault.. BECAUSE OF MY ******** INSECURITIES

WHY THE ******** CAN'T I JUST BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

WHY DOES STUPID s**t BUG ME SO MUCH

WHY DO I HAVE TO TRY TO TALK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME, WHY CAN'T I JUST LET IT GO, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?!

UGHHHHHH WHY WHY WHY

******** s**t, I HATE HOW I CAN'T JUST RELAX, AND LET THINGS GO, SON OF A b***h.........................

I ******** HATE MYSELF, I HATE WHAT A SORRY PIECE OF s**t I AM, I HATE HOW PARANOID I GET OVER STUPID ******** THINGS, I HATE EVERYTHING.... ..i just.. ********.. hate it all.............


it finally makes sense why people usually s**t all over me

its because i deserve it


how easy it is for me to forget what a piece of s**t I am when I'm on my high horse.. but when they hose me off, i'm still a sorry sack of s**t underneath it all

******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ******** ********

i swear to lilith.. if i lose chloe over this, over me being a ********.. then im not going to date anyone, ever.

not because of chloe, but because i'm a dumbshit, and if i cant make our relationship work.. if i cant take a completely 100% trusting person, who loves me more than anything in the world, and whos put up with my bullshit for all these years stay with me, then it really is my fault. not hers.

if she cant, no one can......... no one else deserves to go through this s**t... ******** ******** ******** ******** ********

********...


god i hate myself so much, why cant i ever do anything right... chloe, harmony, frost, zonex, wolfeh.. everyone was happy that i was changing, that i was growing up

GUESS THEY WERE ******** WRONG, huh.......i guess i didnt change at all.. ******** s**t

i let everyone down huh

because i'm a sorry sack of s**t

******** i hate myself.. -__-;

if I was worth the lead I'd probably shoot myself, but you know what, that's just more work for everyone else, drama for everyone else, they'd blame themselves, and they dont' deserve to go through that.....


******** = =; maybe i should just ******** leave

no computer, no phone, no contact at all.. live off what i can find, eat out of dumpsters, and spend the last few years of my life knowing that i'm sack of s**t = =;;