The Spice Of Life
Recognizing the Variety of Friendships God Puts in Your Life
Recognizing the Variety of Friendships God Puts in Your Life
"Blessed are they who have the gift of making friends, for it is one of God's best gifts. It involves many things, but above all, the power of getting out of one's self and appreciating whatever is noble and loving in another."
~Thomas Hughes~
What do we really mean when we call someone a friend? (Ladd & Kelly, 20)
Seeing as people are constantly coming and going from our lives and that most of them will not be the true and abiding friends we can truly connect with heart to heart, what factors determine whether or not they become our friends? (Ladd & Kelly, 20)
A big part of the answer is the fact God has given each and every one of us a wonderful and unique personality. Our personalities, or temperaments, influence the way we make friends. (Ladd & Kelly, 20)
Take for example the following:
1) Choleric - Strong-willed, determined, independent, optimistic, practical, productive, defensive, confident, a leader. Weaknesses include: angry, cruel, sarcastic, domineering, inconsiderate, proud, unemotional.
2) Sanguine - Talkative, outgoing, enthusiastic, warm, personable, friendly, compassionate, carefree. Weaknesses include: weakwilled, unstable, undisciplined, restless, undependable, egocentric, loud, tendency to exaggerate.
3) Melancholy - Gifted, analytical, sensitive, a perfectionist, aesthetic, idealistic, loyal, self-sacrificing. Weaknesses include: self-centered, moody, negative, unsociable, critical, revengeful, rigid.
4) Phlegmatic - Calm, easy-going, dependable, efficient, conservative, practical, diplomatic, humorous. Weaknesses include: stingy, fearful, indecisive, a spectator, self-protective, selfist, unmotivated.
Do you see yourself in one of these descriptions?
Sadly...I would say I am somewhere between a Choleric and Melancholy.
How do you see yourself?
Can you see how the number of friends you have may be influenced by your God given temperament?
Another aspect of personality that influences our friendships is whether we are introverted or extroverted.
Does this mean that our relationships depend on how outgoing or shy we are? What does this have to do with our personality and having friends?
The interesting thing though about the measure of the extrovert/introvert scale is NOT based on whether a person is outgoing or shy. It is based on how a person gets his/her energy "recharged." (Ladd & Kelly, 22)
Does the person get pumped up by being around others, or does he/she find serenity in solitude and inner contemplation?
Here is a verse that we may need to keep in mind, should this reflection or a deeper reflection upon our personalities seem to weigh us down or perhaps be found discouraging.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that well." ( Psalm 139: 13 & 14 )
We are made just as God wanted us to be. Instead of envying others who perhaps appear to be more able to make or keep friends, we need to realize as well as recognize that God created us the way he intended so that way we are fully able to do the work he has planned for us. That we do not need to be someone other than who we are, for God made us each to serve a particular purpose.
What kind of friendships are we talking about and what do we really mean when we call someone a friend?
There are three basic levels of friendship. The three levels are acquaintances, good friends, and soul mates. ( Ladd & Kelly, 25 )
What is the difference between the three? What are they?
An acquaintance is someone you know, but not intimately or well. This is someone you interact with on no more than a surface level.
Do these relationships matter seeing as they are only acquaintances? Yes!!! These people too matter to God. Jesus too had acqaintances and he knew the value of all those that He met. Take for example Zacchaeus.
A good friend is a companion. This is a person that ones who have something in common with us and causes our paths to cross on a regular basis. Good friends are distinct from acquaintances because there is more than a surface relationship/connection. They are kindred spirits of sorts.
Jesus too had these. Take for example His twelve disciples, Lazarus, & Mary as well as Martha.
Not all acquaintaces are "good friend" material.
"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for tis better to be alone than in bad company."
~George Washington~
So do we need to be cautious in our choosing/developing relationships with good friends?
Yes, for as it says in the bible:
"A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." ( Proverbs 12:26 )
Simply put, we become like those we are friends with. That is why we must be careful when choosing our friends.
This has been an issue for me personally, especailly in relationship to my faith in God. Most of the time, I find that my choices of friends are those that Paul encourages us as believers in God not to become too close to.
"But I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkared or a swindler. With such a man [friend] do not even eat." ( 1 Corinthians 5:11 )
Do you have friends like this in your life?
I know I do...
Are your friends a positive influence over/in your lives?
How would we describe a soul mate? Who is a soul mate?
"Greater love has no one than this, than he lay down his life for his friends." ( John 15:13 )
Do you have a friend that would do this for you? Is there someone besides a member of your family that would go to such lengths for you?
If so, you have found yourself a true friend and soul mate.
Perhaps there is someone you would do this for? Would you be willing to go to such lengths for someone else? Are you someone's soul mate? Are you a true friend?
True friendship is very rare and extremely valuable.
Jesus again had these as well for there were three men in particular of which Jesus shared His heart on an intimate level with. These were of course, Peter...James..and John.
If married, this is where your husband should fall into place...as your soul mate. If not married, keep this in mind. Soul mate relationships do not happen over night. They take time.
