Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

"Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle."

~Drs. H. Cloud & J. Townsend~


There are times in which we need to learn to draw the line. A number of us tend to grow to believe that in order to be accepted that we must be perpetual doors. In other words, we give and do so much to please others that we no longer know who we are or why we do what we do. Though we may wish to play the role of superman and help bring a world of pain to a world of peace. We just simply cannot be all things to people.

Instead we need to learn to do tasks that come from God's hand.

*Developing Discernment*

To discern means to judge or examine closely/carefully. That is what we need to do when it comes to meeting the needs of others. ( Ladd & Kelly, 122 )

Solomon said "How wonderful to be wise, to be able to analyze and interpret things. Wisdom lights up a person's face, softening its hardness. Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right. Yes, there is a time and way for everything, even as people's troubles lie heavily upon them."
( Ecclesiastes 8:1, 5 & 6 )

"Turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." ( Proverbs 2:2 - 6 )

God is our source of wisdom and discernment.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." ( Proverbs 3:5 & 6 )

God alone should be our guide and it should be He alone who should guide us in our decisions.

*Watch Out For Takers*

Takers sometimes tend to have no concern for our time and needs. Sometimes thos we call friends can be takers. They too can take advantage of you.

Of course not everyone who asks for a favor is taking advantage of you.

*Yes or No?*

When we are requested to do something or of something how do we know when to say yes or no?

There are four questions that can help us discern this question.

1) Will It Really Help This Person? - Meeting every need and responding to every whim of someone is neither love nor service. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to say no and let them learn from the natural consequences of his/her actions. When we say yes constantly/all the time for someone we take away the responsibilities of others, and that's not true love or help. We actually disservice the ones we love and care about.

2) Have I Sought God's Direction? - Jesus never catered to the whim of selfish requests. In Matthew 12:38, the Pharisees and religious teachers asked Jesus to show them a miraculous sign to prove that he was from God. But Jesus discerned that even if he did present a show of miracles in front of the crowd, they would not be satisfied. They already had the proof they needed through his healings and teachings. He knew he had not come to the earth to answer to the whims of men, but to come and do the will of the Father. In the same way does God also call us to serve our family and friends in His way and in His time.

3) What is My Motive For Helping? - Why do you want to help this person? It is out of love? A sense of obligation? The fear of rejection? When our need for approval and acceptance leads us to say yes when we shouldn't, we quickly find ourselves in over our heads and doing things God never intended for us to be doing. In the end...we sadly have no one to blame but ourselves when this tendancy to be people pleasers run us ragged. WE are most deffidently called to love others by giving and serving. But we are not called to give to all people and to serve all people at all times.

4) Is This What I Am Supposed To Do Right Now? - When something comes up with someone we love or hold dear, we must take into consideration what we are doing at that particular time and if it is God's will.
Take for example in Matthew 12, as Jesus was teaching the crowd, someone told him that his mother and brothers were asking to speak to him. Jesus however, did not do the expected thing of which was to pause in what he was doing and rise to speak with them. Instead, he continued with what he was doing. For he did as he was called to do at that moment - teach the people before he turned to do other things. In our daily lives, we too must strive to do this as well and put God first and in control. ( Ladd & Kelly 125 - 127 )

*Beautiful Boundaries*

What are good boundaries? What may be right for one person, may not be so for another. Setting boundaries can also prove to be one of the most difficult things we have to do in terms of relationships with friends and family.

Boundaries are not walls built to shut others out, instead they are there to help prevent us from sqaundering our time, talents, etc.

These are five basic steps to consider following in order to make effective boundaries:

1) Realize - First realize that a boundary is needed. Be alert! So that way when someone or something is diverting you from the path you need to follow, you know then that you need to set your limits.

2) Pray - Once a problem has been realized, bring it before God. Ask God for guidance and direction.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." ( James 1:5 )

3) Speak - Declare the boundary. Speaking the truth is never easy, however when it is done in love, it is done right.

"The truth will set you free." ( John 8:32 )

4) Remind - Don't assume that once a boundary is expressed that it will be automatically observed. Be loving and encouraging when reminding a friend or loved one of boundaries that have been set.

5) Enforce - This is the most complicated/difficult part. Enforcing a boundary is similar to discipling children. If we allow those we love or others to live their lives free of consequences, they will never learn. We actually help boundary enroachers to become better people by expecting them to live responsibly. ( Ladd & Kelly 129 - 131 )

*Trusting In God To Fill The Gaps*

We cannot be there to meet every need, but God can, and God will! When we find our load overbearing, it is Him we must look to for direction.