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Well, Chloe's been having a rough time, and she's just ready to snap.. she needs a break from me, (which I totally understand -- I took a break from her with the Amber fiasco.. and it really did help me a lot.) &yeah, I'm actually pretty calm about it.

She thought I was going to spaz, and freak out about it.. but for some reason I didn't. I really don't know why I didn't.. I guess I just understand how she feels, what she's going through.. goddess knows I've been through that kind of stress enough in my life..

Only thing that I'm sorta "D:" about is the fact that she may not visit this winter.. I mean, of course I can totally understand why she wouldn't, but yeah, that was what I was really looking forward to.

I dunno, I guess now that I'm single (even though it's temporarily) I can do whatever I want without worry about the consequences.. which.. well really isn't anything besides play games XD; &yeah, I guess Chloe is just going to sort herself out, since she's growing up, and decide what she wants to do with her life..

I'm thinking this "temporary break" may end up not so temporary as time goes on, but if that happens, it's no big deal.. this is sort of her way to regain her freedom (I'm pretty much a c**t to be in a relationship with sweatdrop ) while still having the safety of knowing I'm here for her.. which I totally understand, and she needs it..

If it turns out though in the future, that she is happier being single/not with me, then .. I dunno. I'll probably be a bit sad about it all you know, because I really do love her, but I dunno. The fact that I can still be her friend, is more important to me than anything else in the world.. being able to hang out with her IRL, being able to talk to her, that's all that really matters to me. I love her, and her happiness is seriously 110% more important to me than anything else in the world, and so if she's happier single or with another guy/girl, then more power to her.

It'd be nice if I really was "the one", and we did end up together.. and my gut tells me that's how it's going to play out.. but if it doesn't, I'll just have to live with it.. it's part of life, and she's so young... I dunno.

The real question is -- Now that i'm single (temporarily as it is) or possibly if it's not so temporary, will I date others..?

Right now -- No. It's temporary, so .. no. &If it's not temporary..? No, actually. Chloe did a horrible thing and stole my heart, and... as sappy as it sounds, I don't think I'll be able to love anyone else as much as I love her. Took me damn near 6 years to get over Tifa..so yeah..Chloe is a lot closer to me than Tifa was.. so.. I'd say I *may* date again, in 20-30 years.. if at all.

Reasons why do include: I don't like anyone in this area, I don't talk to anyone online (at all, really) and I'm just very antisocial. Chloe was a one in a million find for me, and .. well, I don't really mind living the rest of my life alone, if I can't be with her. Melodramatic? Maybe. but .. hm. I just.. love her?

SO, if she's atleast my friend, and if she falls in love with someone else, and he just completes her life.. it'll hurt, oh so badly.. but I won't tell her. I'll probably cry to friends, but I won't let her know, because I really do want her to be happy, so I'll let them be happy together, and I'll sit on the side, alone, and live out the rest of my life, however I need to.

Even if this breakup is, infact, permanent.. I'll still probably move to Missouri, just to be near her, because like I tell her, she's my closest friend.. and then I can get away from this place, and .. all sorts of stuff. I dunno, I really dunno anything anymore XD

I'm kind of in a surreal state of mind right now, I guess..? My body is protecting me from the horrible pain, so I'm numb.. the horrible pain, of thinking about losing her for good.. so I dunno. I'm just very calm.. actually in a good mood, and I don't know why... I really, really don't.. maybe I'm thinking, that after this, she'll be closer to me.. or maybe it'll finally be the slap across the face both of us need, to realize our relationship isn't meant to be.. who knows..

All I care about right now, is that she's happy. I love her, she loves me, but yeah.. I know I keep repeating that again and again.. but meh, it's true.

I just don't know anything anymore.. my world is spiraling out of control, looking like it's going to crash into the earth, and for the first time, I couldn't care less about it.. I"m just sitting in the plane seat, staring out the window, as we're heading close and closer to our deaths..