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I just can't stop thinking about it, and I really, really want to talk about it, but there's no one I can talk to about it. Even if Chloe was online -- I couldn't talk to her about it, because .. well, it's just different now.

It's still fresh on my mind, eating me apart.. but it's only temporary.. but how temporary is temporary.. and I mean... temporary can easily go to permanent.. but, I'll never tell her I'm starting to have these thoughts.

She needs space, she needs to be apart from me.. and.. I can't blame her. Thinking about everything she said, at first, it was fine.. but now it's just tearing me apart, because my surreality is falling to pieces, and my brain is finally accepting the words...

She thinks we won't be together forever, afraid she's changing.. and.. well, that means, she could grow out of this internet relationship -- not want to be with me.. but then again.. and most likely, this could just be from how shitty her week and mood have been, but I'm not going to discount her actual thoughts just based on that...

I just don't know what I'd do with myself without her, which is kinda funny, lol. I really don't know how to live life without her... hm......I dunno.. I always told myself, I understood how dad felt when mom died.. but I guess you really can't understand how severe the pain of losing a lover is until you really have lost them...

&if I'm feeling this bad, without having actually lost Chloe.. then jesus, if it ever does happen (if, not when) I don't know...