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Lilly's Diary
personal thoughts here
Kinda weird being single.
Now that I've finally realized what the "break" truly encompasses, it feels kinda.. weird?

I really am single.. sort of. It's very... odd. On the one hand, if I so chose, I could date anyone else, I could do .. "stuff" with anyone else, etc., but it feels weird thinking about it. I keep acting boyfriend-ish around Chloe.. and I really need to stop. I mean, I'll still do the pervy things I've always done, like hell I'd ever let that change XD but I dunno.

It's very weird to me, realizing I can't say this to her, I can't do that with her.. and if I do, I can't do it in a "i'm your boyfriend" way, but more of a friendly way..

I dunno how long this "break" is going to last either.. I mean, if it goes on for a month or more, I'll probably drift apart from her some.. but I dunno. As long as it makes her feel better, I guess it's for the best.. I just don't know.

I still feel like I'm dating her, partially.. I still feel like we're together.. but in my mind, I know we're not, and that's one of the hardest things for me to get over right now.. but yeah, I will.

I'm doing so much better today than I was yesterday though... I mean near the end of yesterday, my mood improved drastically, like, "LIFE IS PERFECT" almost. I could've died right then, and I would've had no regrets. Today I'm not emo or anything, but I'm not particularly happy. I'm just feeling a bit awkward, and looking at life differently.

I have a lot of good friends, I'm realizing, so I'm not as "omg i need u ur my life plz" but I still do want to be with her, just because.. hey, I love her.

The longer we're on break though.. the more I'll be able to control my feelings, I'm thinking.. and eventually I think I'll be able to lock them away, and keep them safe, until they're needed again.





 
 
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