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Thinking about the break, about everything.. I got a few "real" reasons, finally.. just.. hm. I dunno..

On the one hand, I might actually see why we may stay broken up.. for a very long time, actually.. but on the other, I can see us getting back together tommorow...

A lot of it is the distance.. and another good chunk is the conflict of interests.. She loves me, but she's not sure if this is the type of relationship she wants right now.. and I understand how she feels...

But still.. I just don't know..there are a few things I know she may do because I'm technically not her boyfriend... so I can't really stop her.. she's just terrified of losing me for good.. and I think that's honestly the only thing that's really holding her back, is me.. and.. I don't know. I honestly don't want her doing this or that.. and her friends, she said, they're not 110% against it, they just don't want her all blah.. and.. hm..

I basically feel like I'm swimming against the current.. fighting an uphill battle.. I'm the single twig holding back the flood.. what I don't know is, if that's what she really wants, am I right to hold her back..?

I don't know if I'll find anyone else I want later on.. so I'm desperate to hold on to her.. but.. if that's the kind of life she's interested in living.. if that's who she wants to become, then maybe, just maybe.. I'm not the right guy for her.

I think this is what she's been thinking, too, actually.. and.. I just don't know anymore.. I really, honestly don't know.