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Ughhhh.. I ******** up and said something stupid before Chloe got offline.. I can only hope she didn't see it, and just shutdown messenger. .___.''

I could partially blame it on the tiredness..but I don't know why I said it. ********', "ilu".. ughhhh we're broken up why would I go and do something like that?!

UGH.

So.. I don't know. M told me to sleep on the decision.. but the thing that keeps hitting me where it hurts, is that I'm the only person she's going out of her way to avoid.. and so when I think, "I should give it another shot", that comes 'round and kicks me in the stones.

Everyone I've talked to (more or less) said it was the right thing to do.. well, kinda.. they really said, "I'm sorry..." (Frost said he knew it was going to happen, and that if I take her back it'll be the same s**t again.. and that's another huge reason why I'm avoiding it..) but I dunno.

It still feels like I made a HUGE mistake.. just, ridiculously big, "o m f g" mistake. Neena keeps telling me I made a mistake.. I don't even feel like listening to what my gut has to say.. because my heart hurts, and right now I'm in miserable pain.. .___.

Maybe, she'll find someone else at the protest or something, or maybe the love of her life will just show up magically, since I broke up with her.. and then I'll forever regret having let go.. but if it wasn't meant to be, then it wasn't meant to be...

which is why I'm confused that Neena keeps saying I'm going to regret it.. because if it was meant to be, it will be.. so am I just delaying the inevitable.. or am I pushing along something else.. or.. I dunno..

I'm just going to sleep on it, and think on it tommorow.. I'll probably think on it for a few days or so.. I dunno.. I dunno anything.. I just hurt..

I'm strong infront of everyone else, I act like I don't care, (and sometimes I don't, I keep fading in and out of numbness.. ) but really, I hurt.. bad... very, very bad..

I don't know how she feels.. I don't know if she cares or not, about the breakup.. I don't know if she's sad, or if she's just like, "Oh, It's whatever~" very non-chalant.. I dunno. I guess since she isn't as attached as I am, she's pretty much fine with it.. just like after she had to leave, I was ******** torn to pieces, and she was okay after a few days, acted like nothing happened..