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Marking this entry as private initially, may change it later.

I'm going to stop lying to myself, however. I'm going to stop pretending I don't know what I want.. I'm going to stop trying to find an excuse to avoid the inevitable.. and I'm just going to give in.

I don't know why I keep fighting it.. I don't know why I keep struggling against it.. but I do. Neena use to always fight me, and tell me, "you'd be so much happier if you just gave in.." and it's true.. it feels great.. x///x..but I'm not going to fight this anymore..

I know who I want to be with.. and after tonight.. I had a moment of clarity. I know who I love.. and who I want to be with.. and.. I'm done pretending.

No more excuses... no more flirting, no more playing around.. time to grow up...

Funny thing is.. this all hit me when I was masturbating..a certain hentai manga finally struck home with me.. and now I know what I need to do.