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Lilly's Diary
personal thoughts here
Hurt..
This makes no sense what so ever.. I mean, it really doesn't.. but I'm hurt right now.. really bad... and.. I dunno. I feel really depressed, like someone just shot my dog..

I've been having a flux of emotions lately though, and hardcore deja vu just now.. x.o so I'm leaving my moodiness up to the new year and the full moon...

I just got the sudden pang of pain.. and I thought.. "What will happen when I have to spend my life alone...?"

It's not a pleasant thought.. since I'm not independent.. I like having someone behind me, someone to make sure I'm pushing along in the right direction.. a little encouragement in the right direction, and I'm on fire, but.. without it.. I just don't know what to do. I flail.. and I'm lost.

Right now.. though.. I'm giving up... I'm .. giving up on relationships, and love, just for now.. I don't know why I'm so hurt.. I don't know why it's this intense.. but I am, and it is.. I think it's just a mood swing because of the time of the month, and the moon.. but I kind of just want to be alone now...

I don't want anyone to be close to me.. I don't want anyone to love me.. I don't want anyone anymore.. I don't want people.. I don't care about people.. all anyone ever does is hurt me anyways... what's the point, if it's just constant pain...

I'm tired, full moon, and it's a new year.. so.. I'm not my self.. but.. I'm going to vent for the sake of venting... -sighs-

People just suck.. it's all selfish desire.. that's why I won't burden anyone with my "love".. it's futile, and in the end you end up hating eachother.. it's not worth it, honestly.. it's really not.... .__. ..

I want to cut all emotional ties to everyone.. I just want to be alone and not care about anyone... right now I don't.. I just hate everyone, at this very instant.. no one matters anymore..

I don't care what happens to this world.. I'm done with it, and it's done with me.. the only problem I have now is waiting out the rest of my life until it's my time to die, then starting the burden of life once again...

There's a way to permanently remove yourself from the cycle too.. but it's more effort than it's worth in all honesty.. just pick up the cycle and keep on going, it's all we can do.. we don't have much choice...

I keep thinking my life is forcing me to be with one person, and one person alone, but what if it's really trying to tell me that the truth of the matter is, there is no one person for me, just myself, and no one else... v v





 
 
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