Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

This is a very strange feeling.. It may be because I'm so tired.. (I only got 5 hours of sleep so far.. I may try to go to sleep after I write this) but I woke up around 5-6.. and.. hm.. I don't know? I feel very.. detached.

Nothing is really bothering me about anything anymore.. it's kind of bumming me out. I'm hoping it's just because I'm tired.. but my heart suddenly feels hardened to everyone.. the feeling I get when someone close to me dies. I was scared earlier too.. I thought Neena died. I really.. really thought she did.. but she's just sleeping.. god do I hope she's just sleeping..

I feel her, see her.. but it feels different.. I don't think she'd die randomly for no reason.. so I'm guessing she's just in a very deep sleep that I never notice, because I'm usually asleep through it too, or not paying attention... .__.;;

I don't know though.. my emotions are kind of dead right now.. my sex drive is non-exsistant.. I sometimes feel this way when I wake up from sleeping very well.. but I don't know. Nothing really makes sense right now.. my brain is moving at a thousand miles a minute, but it seems so slow..

I guess I'm just in a weird mood... I have to go to work at 10 this morning, meaning I have to be up by like, 9:30.. joy.

I dunno though.. like, lately, I started having those old pangs of worry when I thought about chloe going to a rave.. (which she is this weekend) but they went away again.. and then I noticed I'm starting to get too heavily attached again.. (missing her if she doesn't call me nightly.. really, I'm getting way to dependent on talking to her every night..) but then my emotions just sort of..burn out? It doesn't make much sense to me, but meh..

I don't know, really.. I think I'm just tired, and so I'm a bit blah-ish.. I think that if I get another hour or two of sleep, drink something caffeinated at work (we have the Monster coffee stuff) and stop thinking about it, I'll be fine, and everything will go back to normal.

This is the problem with waking up early to go to work.. your brain always likes ta fight you x.o..