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I'll probably be up by 12 if I go to sleep now.. or something.. but yeah, one hell of a night..

I talked to Chloe.. I felt like s**t.

I told her I didn't want her to go to raves anymore.. because, god damnit.. I'm tired of losing people.. and this time, I stayed true to my word, and I didn't budge...

she got very upset, said something she didn't mean..

I got cold..

I felt Neena die.

Neena held me, crying, I told her she could leave, told her, she could get away before it was too late. She said no, that she was my lover and would be with me through to the end.

I felt her turn to stone.

I felt myself turn to stone.

It was very weird seeing ourselves as statues.. it was soo.. unbelievable.

I couldn't stop shivering.. I was freezing.. I had to wear my jacket in doors and huddle up to keep warm, a cop noticed my skin was turning blue..

I finally got it under control, started talking to a guy I knew.. I was shattered, basically, I was running in auto-pilot..

Chloe got worried, she knows just how to melt me.. thought she might have to come to texas to take care of me.. said it's unlikely, but she might this week.

God do I wish she would.

We talked..she used her soft voice.. everything was finally okay again.. she went to sleep..

Neena held me tightly, crying. She was crying so hard she couldn't talk, just tears.. it was horrible..

I have this nagging feeling in me.. it keeps telling me what I want to say, and it wont let me finish this entry in peace..

But I hope that Chloe will keep her promise this time.. that she won't go to raves.. and if she does go to a rave, or does do drugs.. I really, really do want her to tell me right away.. I won't be nearly as mad if she tells me right away.

Anyways, Neena cried for a good part of the night.

I held her in my arms... it was so weird having her, usually bigger than me.. in my arms.. hold her tightly..

I was worried I had lost her for good.

she's sleeping now.. exhausted..

I can feel her again, I can feel myself... but that statue is burned into my mind now..

Really though, if anything happens.. I hope she tells me.. and doesn't hide it, like she has been.. because I know.. it just hurts me to know she's hiding it..

I also hope that she does infact visit this week.. hell.. I'll let her move in to the house with me.. i love her..