Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

To anyone who's reading this: I do need advice... I'm so torn.

Chloe has tried x once before. Swore to me, she'd never do any kind of drug again.

She lied, and I knew she was lying, everytime she told me she wasn't. She's only done drugs a few times, but.. she lied to me about doing them.

That really ******** me up.

She finally came clean, before I had to go and bust her, so.. that's a big plus for her, though.

However, I forbid her from going to raves.

She said she's willing to call me at them now, willing to do whatever it takes, because she wants to see her friends there, because she can't see them anywhere else.

I don't know what to do.

She had a bad experience with someone slipping her something, so she's quitting cold turkey.. but.. drugs are addicting. She had a bad experience now, and she doesn't want to keep doing them, but what about later down the line? What if she figures, "oh well, just this once won't hurt.. I don't have to tell anyone.."

that's what really ******** me up. I want to know, the day she does that s**t. If she's going to do it, I want to know. I don't want to find out a few god damn months down the line -- I want to know right away. But she feels guilty and won't tell me.

I don't know what to do anymore.. I really, really don't.

On the one hand, I want to trust her so god damn bad, but something keeps nagging at me, telling me, 'NO. DON'T DO IT." I don't know..

I guess, I'm just going to have to move down there this april, and go with her to all raves she goes to.

I ******** hate my life.

I have a few choices.

A) Against my better judgement, trust her again. Have her call me 3 times during a rave -- beginning, middle, and end. If she doesn't call me during ANY of those 3 times, even once, cut her off cold turkey.

B) Move down there right now. I don't have a car or license yet, but I can get ahold of one I'm sure....I just don't know.

C) Start doing drugs myself. Then I won't care. Just get wasted every weekend pretty much, so that I won't feel as bad about her doing them..

D) Leave; finish, completely. Give up, consider her a lost soul, and just.. go. Be alone with the sea.. forevermore..

E) Don't trust her, not yet. Tell her no more raves until I -can- move down there.

F) Don't trust her, at all. Tell her no more raves, plain and simple.

Oh Lilith.. whatever shall I do..

Why does this have to keep happening..why can't it be someone who isn't as important? Why does it have to be the single most important person in my life? Dear Lilith, dark mother..give me guidance..