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so relaxed.. the stress of the world is melting away.. i can handle problems again..i can do what i need.. im just so relaxed...

i dont know why ive been keeping myself out of neenas arms.. out of liliths arms.. thats what changed too.. lilith is here too, with neena.. she a bit cold.. but shes warming up.. both of them.. its so relaxing.. i havent felt safe since i was with chloe.. and even during the second visit, as good as it felt to be with her, something was missing.. i was holding back then too.. but not anymore.. lilith wont let me.. she told me this is what i want.. this is what i need to be happy.. shes right.. it feels so good to be this warm..

neena is so happy.. but she's still sleeping, still resting.. lilith is too.. im in the middle, being held by both.. the stress of the world dwindling away.. everything is just melting.. its so nice here.. i never want to leave bed.. but i have to.. but this is just a gift, i suppose...

im being held, so that i dont fall apart.. im being nurtured, so i can nurture others.. im going to heal with warmth... thats all anyone needs, is a little bit of warmth.. the world is too cold.. warmth brings happiness, real happiness.. not cold robotic synthetic happiness that the world knows.. ill spread real happiness to the world, ill let everyone remember how good it feels to feel like this, with real warmth...

i dont want the world to turn grey, i want the world to run rampant with life... i want people to live, and be free.. not slaves to their synthetic happiness, stuck in misery that they think is what they love.. i used to be that way too.. i remember the pains of false love, confusing it for happiness.. i remember being swept away...

neena always picked me back up though, and she always will.. she keeps the fire burning, she keeps the coldness away.. people touch my skin and get burnt irl.. they ask me why im always so hot, they ask me why i always wear jackets, i say, its because i know warmth.. real warmth..

i'm so sleepy writing all this.. i can barely think.. i just want to curl up in this blanket and nap.. i love warmth.. i love being held.. i love chloe, i love neena, i love lilith..

lilith likes knowing that i'm happy.. shes happy to know that im giving others the opportunity to be happy, with real happiness.. soo sleepy... ill write more after a short nap..