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bleh.. She didn't call last night.. I got my hopes up. had them dashed.

It's fine, it's okay, not the first time life has dissapointed me, not going to be the last. Something minor.. even though I didn't get to talk to her at all today, bleh whatever.

I kinda don't care... I got to talk to Kiwi, I found out why Chloe didn't call.. sooo.. I'm not THAT upset.. I mean, it's whatever.

I was pretty bummed when Kiwi told me chloe was asleep.. but.... I kind of figured I wasn't going to get to talk to her anyways. I figured when she didn't call around midnight, she wasn't going to.

I hate working at the stupid gas station.. my happiness, my morale, takes a huge hit working there.. It's like, standing up to be punched in the face.. Talking to Chloe makes it all better though.. she gives me that boost, that super happiness, so I can make it through the last few hours..

I get lonely. Late night always ******** with my head. I get depressed easily.. being alone, I actually like the solitude.. but being around crowds of people.. it makes you really feel alone. I had some dark thoughts.. I'm not going to talk about them.

In reality.. I'm not upset with her.

She's been working, hanging out with her friend, and all that.. Kiwi told me that Chloe has been taking meds for her allergies, allergy meds will knock you on your a**.. I don't blame her for not being online, work + friends = fine fine, I'm hardly online when I have friends.. the not calling, it bummed me out, but she fell asleep.. I don't blame her.

The worst part of all it though, is just my loneliness at the shell, because I have so much time to think. It's not her fault though.. and talking to Kiwi made me happy. I felt like I had a friend, I heard a familiar voice.. it wasn't as great as Chloe.. Chloe basically restores me.. she.. rebuilds me.. but it dulled down the loneliness, it made me forget I'm all I have right now... and all I'm going to have for a while, at least.

She's really.. different. There's something about her.. every facet of her being amazes me.. she's just so wonderfully unique, so beautiful... her energy is on a completely different wavelength, her mind is so.. amazing.. she's just so damn.. unique!

I'm far too tired to be fanboyish, kiddy.. so I'm closer to neena in my thinking right now than anything.. but she's very special. She rejuvenates me.. being with her, keeps me from crumbling..

I've never admitted this to her.. but she's helped me through some of the hardest times of my life, without doing anything besides exsisting...It's an odd thing to thank her for, "thank you for exsisting, you kept me from killing myself" heh..

I love her, I think. Well, I know I love her.. but .. I don't know. I don't even knowwwwww.. my mind is losing its ability to focus, sleep deprivation... I hope I get to see her today, talk to her tonight.. I really do miss her.. these little e-meetings, calls.. they help.. a lot.