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"So lie like a waste by the side~"

I'm finding it harder and harder to care about people.. I'm becoming detatched again. People.. are so.. stupid.

What's the point of loving a creature that only seeks to harm itself..? What's the point of dating someone who's suicidal, if they'll never want to change..?

I don't know, anymore. Why should I be with someone who only wants to be with me, because they enjoy the suffering of being with someone else..? Is that what it really is..?

Is love just our masochistic nature taking control? We desire what hurts us the most..?

Very pessimistic views.. but I'm flustered right now. I'm just, so flustered. What the hell is wrong with you people, I want to cry out. "Why can't you all just be happy? What the ******** is wrong with you idiots, don't you understand what you're doing to yourselves?! Don't you see how easy it'd be if you just let yourself smile? ONCE?" Ugh..

I try day and night, to help people, but what am I, really..?

A blob.. I'm nothing.. and that's all anyone ever has, or ever will see me as. I wear black, because it fits me.. I'm nothingness.. in the dark, I fade completely. I'm bland, and I have no personality.. people are only attracted to me because of the succubus who possessed me.. without her, no one would even bother.

I'm not funny, I'm a nothing. Yet here I am, day and night, following my orders, trying to just bring people to happiness, to keep them from hurting themselves. I don't even do it for everyone -- just people I love, people I care about.. and how do they repay me? Hatred..

I suppose they enjoy their misery.. but I don't want to sit here and wallow in their self pity, they're masochistic nature.. I want to be happy..

As the days go on, I find it easier and easier to be alone, as a cancer, it goes against my nature, but as a sentient being, I'm learning to cope.

That lighthouse, that beach.. It all sounds nicer, and nicer, every day.. A little place to sleep, a beach to watch, and wait.. I'll let the seasalt turn me old and grey, my back turned on the world, as it turns to ash.

When the world ends, I'll still be there, in my lighthouse.. I'll be sitting, waiting.. they'll never come for me, no.. they'll know, I'm fine where I am. Give me music, and the sea, and my life will be complete..

Maybe I'll take to the seas, themselves.. maybe I'll sail, until the sea decides to take me where I belong.. I'll die an old man, lost at sea... lost, but never searched for.. that's the way it should be..