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Once again.. I find myself unable to sleep.. ._________.'

Meh. I crashed out at 9. Woke up at 2:30.. 5hrs. Pretty decent, it's what I normally get.

Chloe asked Lindsey on a date.. this was a while back.. but meh.. that really hurt.. like, bad.. I don't know what she was thinking.. and I don't care anymore.. it hurt so much, to think she asked that stupid, stupid slut out on a date.. after all that slut did to her, she still asked her out. She took it back later that day after she found them in bed together.. but still... jesus that hurt. I mean, she would've gone through with it, had she not found them together in bed, if slut agreed to it.

Slut deserves Manbaby, and none of them deserve me. I act strong.. I act like only a gigantic force can bring me down.. but when they look away, when I'm alone, in the dark.. I have to crawl. When they look to me, I'm a pillar of strength, stronger than any other.. the one force that will never be brought down by their petty betrayals..

But when I'm alone, I'm weaker than they.. I can barely find the strength to make it from day to day.. It's not fair.. but that's okay..I'll never let them know how much they hurt me.. I'll never show how weak I really am, because they don't deserve to see me at my weakest. They don't deserve the opportunity to pity me, because they're vermin.. I don't want vermin to pity me, I want vermin to eat poison and die.

I'll rebuild my strength.. I'll find something, somehow.. I'll build my strength back up, and I won't let them strike me down. I won't let them take it from me..

Maybe someday, she'll stop pushing me away.. maybe that day, I'll start caring again.. The only positive thing that's coming from this, is that she's not able to hurt me nearly as much as in the past.. Hell.. if this was last year, after her first visit.. the asking Slut on a date would've crippled me. I'd probably have been in horrible pain for days.. but now? It lasted maybe 3 minutes, and then I didn't care anymore.

She's just like my dad.. she keeps pushing me away, so goddamn hard.. and just like dad, I'm not coming back. The farther she pushes me away, the farther away I stay.. and soon, I'll just walk away on my own..