Wow. Yet another day from hell to make me feel better. I'm really sick of this whole "free country" theory. Those of us that are different aren't free. I'm sure you could tell by my avatar that I'm not exactly a size-0-ultra-mini-wear-a-shirt-so-small-the-boys-can-see-my-boobs kind of girl. I'm more of a Hot-Topic-pants-favorite-band-T-black-nail-polish-Chuck-Taylor-Black-hoodie kind of girl. Just to elaborate, I'm wearing a pair of jeans with a hole in the knee, my black and red Chuck Taylor's, a black hoodie (of course, everyone has to miss the "Not of This World: Jesus" logo on it), and a black My Chemical Romance band-T. So, naturally, I've gotten the reputation as "goth". See, I really wouldn't give two ******** if people would leave me alone about it. I mean, the occasional, "r u goth" comment I can ignore, but when I've got people following me around, yelling at me from across the field, asking me if I ******** eat people, then I get really pissed. Supposidly in the U.S. we're free to do whatever we want just because we're people. Well, let's see...sure, these kids can yell at me and hurass me, but if I yelled back and they reported me, I'd get detention, maybe ISS. "So change" is what most people tell me. "If you don't like it, then dress like them." Hold on, hold on, HOLD ON! This is AMERICA! I should be able to walk down the street without twenty people staring at me and hurassing me because I dress differently! Ugh, my gosh, people, get a life.
Okay, rant number two: If you've read my previous entries, you'll know that I was supposed to meet this guy Leppy (AKA, AJ or Alex) at the mall. And if you read my previous entries, you'll also know that he didn't exactly show up. So I get to school today, and Becky tells me that...ha, ha, ha. No, now I need a drum roll. I mean, really. This is such a great excuse. Ba-da-bing! "My boyfriend wanted me there." Hell yeah, baby. His boyfriend WANTED him there, so he could ditch me. Please tell me I'm not the only one that would be pissed at this, right? Well, since I didn't see any apology there, just "But, but, but" I was super pissed. But, he thought he was justified in ditching me at the last second to go to his boyfriend's house, because "I can't just leave my boyfriend hanging." Leppy, dear, you can ditch me if your boyfriend is suicidal. That's about it. You made plans with ME. I don't care if I'm not your girlfriend. I THOUGHT I was your friend, and you made plans with me first. You're supposed to keep your promises Leppy. But, hah, hah, hah. It's not over yet. He also went around telling his friends that I was mad at him for no reason...AFTER I was bullied to a pulp at recess. Ah, but who cares about Evera anyway?
Next.
And then there's Gerard...Sweet, innocent, I WANT HIM, Gerard. Searching around the threads in one of my guilds I find that he has a girlfriend. Just shoot me now, would you?! I've felt like dying all day. Today was just too much for me to handle with all the other s**t in my life, and then I find out that one thing I was really hoping for is gone. Yay for me. Yay for my suicidal thoughts. Yay for the little goth girl in the "good-for-nothing" band.
Yeah, just to make things better, I had a really stupid dream about that. I was mad at myself for whatever reason and cut. Yeah, I cut. Across my face, on my ankles, and on my wrists. It hurt, too. It hurt a lot. Then I felt guilty and told my mom what I did, and she was absolutely furious.
Anyway, I applaud you if you managed to deal with my whole entry.
And Chris, assuming you read this, I give you my permission to beat Leppy to a bloody pulp.
Gentle
Emotional
Real
Affectionate
Romantic
Daring
Wonderful
Always
Yours...
[--Evera-+-Dalinge--]
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