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I just got to thinking about my grandpa. He is usually pretty depressed because he has no friends and his family doesn't want to be around him. I can't help but believe he deserves his solitude.

My child abuse entry was heavily influenced by him. He always told me I was worthless and would never amount to anything. When you're a small child and the one person you respect more than anyone else always goes out of their way to remind you of how little you matter that has a tendency to stick around. My dad and his uncles had it worse. Back then grandpa wasn't just verbally abusive, but physically as well. In our youth he never encouraged us, just used destructive criticism instead. He can't see that he caused emotional scars that result in his children resenting him. All he sees is that he punished them when he needed to and they hate him for doing what he was supposed to do. It wasn't just what he did though, it was how he did it that made the difference.

When I was little he never wanted to spend time with us. He never taught us to ride a bike. Never took me hunting or taught me how to shoot. Only took us fishing once that I could remember and rather than actually teaching us anything just handed us the pole and expected us to know what to do. When I played soccer the only times he took me to my game was when grandma was busy with something else and when he did take me to the game he never stayed. He just dropped me off and left to take care of other stuff till the game was over. When we had school concerts he only went along because grandma made him. When it was all over rather than letting us socialize he would just tell us it was time to go home. I don't hate him for this. It was his choice to make. Still what this all told me is that he didn't want to spend any time with us.

All he really wanted to do was watch TV and play on his computer. That's what he spent most of his free time doing. He didn't want to spend time with his family. He didn't make any effort to make friends. His life was spent alienating others. When grandma was still alive family and friends always came to visit the us. Now that she's gone nobody comes to visit anymore. He finally got what he wants. His wife is dead. He has no friends. His children don't want to spend time with him. He is all alone. All he has is his computer and the TV. Nobody wants to be around him and now he realizes just how lonely his life is.