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Lilly's Diary
personal thoughts here
so ******** stressed i feel like crying
I hate this ******** house so much, everyone in the house is miserable atm except for my sister...

Chloe hates matt, and I don't blame her, and she has to put up with dads ******** manchild bs and his ******** underhanded way of talking.. he keeps telling me that I need to rest, that I should rest.. so basically I need to stay home. That's how he ******** operates. :/

I ******** hate him so ******** much, really I hate this whole ******** town. The only part of my ******** life that isn't completely miserable atm is my ******** job.. the ******** job i hate so much, is the highest point in my life, how ******** pathetic is that?

I don't even look forward to coming home anymore because chloe is so ******** miserable, and then I have to put up with dad's bullshit, and then when no one else is starting s**t, matt will ******** do something because SOMEONE has to ******** ruin everything,.

I really just want to ******** leave right now, I ******** hate this whole place, I'm seriously considering moving in with barry, because then I could get away from the ******** town.. BUT I KNOW THAT DAD ******** NEEDS ME HERE, so I can't ******** leave, I ******** HATE FEELING LIKE I'M TRAPPED HERE, THAT EVERYONE IS CONSTANTLY DEPENDING ON ME AND REQUIRES ME TO ******** GIVE UP MY ENTIRE LIFE TO LIVE HERE, JUST SO THEY DON'T ALL ******** DIE

and then they die ANYWAYS...

PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY ARE REQUIRED TO DIE SO I CAN ******** MOVE ON

I couldn't leave first because no one would be here to take care of grandma.. THEN grandma died and no one would be here to take care of grandpa

THEN GRANDPA DIES, AND NOW DAD NEEDS ME MORE THAN BEFORE BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS ******** HOUSE CAN DO ANYTHING EXCEPT SHOVE THEIR FINGERS UP THEIR a** AND b***h

My brother is 18 years old, and he ******** REFUSES to take responsibility and do s**t that NEEDS to be done. My mom died when I was ******** 17, and everyone in the goddamn family fell apart, because everyone relied on mom to do ANYTHING. Even the most basic s**t, mom had to do, because everyone here is ******** retarded.

She died, and that responsibility fell on me. :/ Dad can do some s**t that I don't know how to do, but to actually get anything done in this ******** household requires ME, because everyone drags their a** or shoves their thumb in their ******** a** and says "I DUNNO HOW TO DO IT DERP" -_-

Dad fell apart after mom died, and it was on me to be the pillar of strength for everyone in the house. I had to grow up and give up what was left of my teen-hood, give up the "dumb a**" phase of my life, and skip all the stupid mistakes I should've made, everything.

Dad IS a ******** manchild, too. It's bullshit that I, a 23 year old man, am being bullied by my ******** dad, when I want to do my own s**t.

I get that I'm living under his roof again, but things have ******** changed. I'm a ******** adult, you can't tell me what to do. BUT, if I don't do what he says, he'll lock me out of the house, and if things get really bad he'd even go so far as to throw my s**t on the lawn, throw my computer and all my s**t flat out on the grass or in the street, bolt the door, and tell me not to come back. He's thrown moms computer, and he's smashed matt's laptop (it was already broken, but still) so yeah. :/ It's not beneath him.

I hate how miserable chloe is here, I hate the fact that I'm basically helpless, and that as soon as I come back, everyone dumps all of their ******** responbilities on me. The day I came back, suddenly everyone stops doing chores, everything in the house stops, and it's up to james to do ANYTHING that needs doing.

I hate that my feet are hurting so much from standing at work.. that even with my dr. schols pads, that my feet hurt so much I have to sit for atleast 30 mins at work (which I can't, so I just lean on the desk for a few mins) just so I can manage to walk home without having to get on my hands and knees and crawl. As a matter of fact, paperwork is my favorite part of my job, because I get to actually sit down and do it.

I just don't want to be here anymore. I want to be somewhere else, living away from here, and letting this ******** festering sore of a town rot. Let everyone here die, for all I ******** care. Let these rotting houses decay and return to the earth, and let this ******** down just die off and vanish.

I never want to come back here once I leave. Not even to visit. Even passing through will be pushing it





 
 
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