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Do you have people in your life that you just, hate?
For me, I have my grandma. Grandmother; the loving, generous elder.
But mine, my hate grew gradually. It perhaps started when she moved in with us because she was 'afraid of ghosts' in her own appartment. Her moving in caused me to drop out of daycare since I no longer needed a ride to school (she could drive me), forcing me to leave my closest friends. I was angry for a bit but got over it.
The next several years went by alright. Our relationship that is. She always yelled everything. She'd always tell me that my dad would beat me up if I didn't do what she said. And she was a very.. VERY bad driver (female, asian, elder...). Despite these, I got along with her surprisingly well.
Well, after maybe our 4th - 5th years of being together, we started to dispute. She would park in a no-parking zone, or drive the wrong way, and I'd tell her not to. Her excuse was, "well everyone else is doing it." Me: "Well if everyone started smoking, should I to?" she laughed.
Alright, so this is when I noticed the small things. Her bathroom smells like piss (ACTUAL PORTABLE WASHROOM SMELL) because she doesn't flush at night. She will walk, stop, then STARE at people out of curiousity of what they're doing, which gets very irritating. Not only that, but she makes bad meals, she's gotten a lot less generous towards me (in comparison to her other nieces and nephews), she sneezes and coughs without blocking (or blocking with her hands), she doesn't close the door when she pisses, she doesn't wash her hands, she burps loudly, she only laughs when people get hurt, she turns her music up to a deafening volume, she attacked my pets (hit my bird, hit my hamster, sounds strange I know), etc...
Not only that, but she yells at my mom a lot. She tells her what a terrible mother she is, and goes on and on about the things she does wrong. It hurts me. Sometimes I feel like killing her. And I do mean, literally. Maybe it's because my mom tried to tell her about the things she did wrong. She never listened and just laughed about it.
Well, one day, my mom went up to me and told me that my grandma was telling her that it was her fault that I hate her. I said 'no' without thinking. I mean, HOW could it be? It was just my grandmother blaming her.
Well, I thought about it more. A lot of it, is, actually my mom's fault, and I'd really hate to admit it. My mom always corrects my grandma for things she does wrong. Burning our food, yelling loud, music loud, and so forth. And it's since then that I started noticing imperfections. I started thinking for myself and figuring out that these things were wrong. I guess I wouldn't say it was her fault, but she's got me thinking about all her flaws.
Things would have been better off if she never moved in. If she had more 'faith' in the God she prays and pesters people to believe in, and knew the'd protect her from any ghosts. Her moving in made me ultimately further from my dad as we didn't talk as much since she took out time with him (he used to drive me places and spend time helping me with piano, but with her here now, he goes and does work). I wouldn't feel constantly watched, bothered, and feel constant hate in my day.
I always say, when I see her, "whatever. I hate her. so." in my mind. It doesn't do anything, really. I guess it exempts her from anything she's done, sort of? Like, whatever she does, it doesn't matter, because I hate her.
It doesn't matter whose fault or what. I hate her. I hate my grandmother. Absolutely hate her. I'm sure many have not experienced the degree of hate I have for her, to the point where I don't like to be near her, or breathe the same air as her, or share a bathroom with her, or touch anything she has, or sit where she's sat, ...
I hate her.
Wht_Phoeni_x_ · Tue Jan 23, 2007 @ 05:27am · 1 Comments |
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