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You see, I was going to talk about something that has been discussed FAR too much for its own good. Love. But, then I thought, WOW. EVERYBODY talks about it. I don't blame them. It's a crazy topic. But, I don't wanna talk about something that's been, so oversaid. But, NOT saying it BECAUSE everyone talks about is just,... well, stupid!
Alright, so here it goes.
I think that, when you love someone, you KNOW you love them. I also think there's many different kinds of love. Like, love for a family member, OBVIOUSLY, and love for other people, that's different. Alright, well, instead of explaining the whole core behind it, I'll just explain my situation, in hopes that some of you out there know what I'm talking about, and can relate.
I have a hero. And I'm not talking about whatever 'Christina Aguilera' or some other celebrity you don't talk to. I'm talking about somebody that I pulled together the guts, got to know, and now we're distant friends. If you know me, you'll know who that is. And I LOVE her. But, I'm straight. Basically, my love for her is as close to love as you can get without wanting to be in an actual relationship. Like, I don't want to 'do' her, or kiss her, or any other lesbian-acts, but I want to BE with her. It's just, so amazing. She's so amazing. I wanna like, hold her hand, or hug her,... 'n I wanna make sure she's havin' a good day and everything. It's so hard to explain, and it might just sound stupid. You might judge me from this. Whatever. It's the -truth-.
Alright, then, I've got a boyfriend. Now, I LOVE him, oh do I ever. I know at this age, hormones are everything. And GOD if this is hormones, it's doing a ******** good job. Like, I just... I wanna spend the rest of my life with him. I don't have to try to look good, or watch what I say, or act a certain way. I don't know, I don't think that if you have a 'crush' on someone, you really think about spending the rest of your life with that person. Like, I wanna move out, and live with him, and see him every day. I wanna start a FAMILY with him, raise KIDS with him! I think he'll be a great father. I wanna grow old with him. Even when I'm too old to do anything, I wanna hold his hand, and just sit there because that's all my body would be able to do. I love that guy, and my feelings towards him are so strong. You don't even know.
Okay, now, I've got this friend. And, I love him! And you must think, yes, MUST, that guy + girl = relationship. It's complicated. Like, there isn't the FEEL between us. I don't know what to call it. Love passion thing? Yeah. Something like that. Like, I like being around him. We have the same humor, and I can just lead on a normal conversation, and just be ME around him. But, I don't love him the same way I love my boyfriend. I don't want to be in a relationship with him. But,... ugh,... it's strange... like, ... WOW. Human emotions/mind... they're so complex. I still, want to like, hug him? Or have him hug me. Or hold his hand.
Am I just hungry for human contact? I think I miss my boyfriend too much. He held me a lot. It feels really good, to have someone close to you. And I guess it's the only appropriate contact. My friends aren't ones that would hold hands and hold me and stuff. I remember when one of them held me during a movie. Female, of course. That felt good. So, at least I know it's not just, with one person. The idea in general, I suppose. Is it socially wrong to be held by someone without being in a relationship with them? I'm so ********.
Maybe nobody should ever touch me. Again. It must be so bad for me. I don't even want intimate relationships with anyone but my boyfriend. Maybe I just dug myself the deepest hole. Good ******** luck getting out of this one. (I'll probably just stay down there and rot in my own dreams)
Wht_Phoeni_x_ · Sat Feb 03, 2007 @ 07:47pm · 0 Comments |
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