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"I Hope that Someone Gets My... I hope that someone gets my... Message in a bottle."

Eh, I guess I'm sending an SOS to anyone, I'm getting tired of a lot of things, becoming more apathetic about life and people around me. I know its a phase thing but the only thing I'm trying to keep concentrating on is my damn classes... I just wanna get out of HS and go to college, hang out with Kitsune and just try to be successful in life somehow. I told myself quite a few times as a 'plan' I guess: Try my hardest to get somewhere in life, if all else fails and many attempts end up in failure as well, then one less human on earth to worry about. I'd rather not translate that, don't want to make this entry so 'emo' and what not.

Just want to get away from everything and everyone. Go somewhere new to me and enjoy that time alone, possibly go into isolation for a while and clear my head up... I'm still indecisive and confused in my actions and choices. I'm trying to find a balance within me; my agressiveness and my passive self. I even feel like I'm not acting like myself around my normal friends half the time, possibly just changing to someone new for the moment, kind of like a reincarnation of a personality. I've gotten to like some new things and get into the whole rock thing, but that's because I'm enjoying it, not because I want to act like everyone else. I'm probably worried about jusifiying myself when it comes to the way I am. Maybe the reason why I'm like this is because of my apathy, who knows. I'd like to see a buhddist (SP) for some spiritual help, heh! Maybe Josh could 'enlighten' me a bit.

So far, unfortunatley for me to say sort of, about the only things keeping me sane are my videogames, friends and Minkus. The only person who I'm always anticipating to see whenever I have the chance, probably the only thing keeping me happy and not as apathetic. Might meditate a little and just write poems or songs since I've been feeling more artistic, 'course, my songs suck like a d-4 for a damage dice D:.

Still questioning myself and my beliefs, trying to find that balance that will leave me in peace instead of always being neutral or jumping back and fourth. Will be difficult to change, but I'm willing to with whatever help I can get...
I think about the only people who I feel comfortable with and know how to bring out the real me would be Leon, Minkus, Danny, Whisper and Adam. I don't feel as different or apart from them. I'm always laughing and smiling when I talk to them, just like my cheery old self that I once lost track of long ago, although my spirit is burning bright, its too hot right now, it will eventually burn me and others who come close.

School was... the same as always, boring, tiresome. Art class: kept painting that Van Gogh peice with the dieing sunflowers, course, the picture looks meloncholy and full of sorrow for some reason, at least mine. Kinda tried giving it more color and splashing some red paint on it but it just made it look bloody, which just tapped into my sadistic side, nice. And then we have to do those stupid self portrait sketches with shading... pain in the ******** a**... plus I don't take pictures too often and I suck at taking 'decent' pictures, hate my expressions.

I'm anticipating for Minkus to come down around April... Not sure it will happen, but I have hope; my dreams are mostly consiting of random things and him, and someone else who isn't really important as well as others. Strange dreams.

My other classes suck except 4th period, Health. Fun class, always a hoot Heh. I think I might be kissing my teacher's rump .o. She's nice, I never thought health would have so much work though D:!

Turnips, Turnips, Turnips, Mushrooms, Mushrooms, Mushrooms, Squirells and wood peckers... I don't know. My brain stopped for a sec there.

'N-EE-Waiz. I'm not sure what's going on in my head but I'm dealing with it... Or trying.

Need to finnish up some avi art or possibly take a break for a while...~
R.M.Y.