• [chapter one]
    The midnight sky glistened with its precious countless stars. I looked at it for a while admiring the view before me and then suddenly realized that I had work tonight.
    “Oh… darn,” I whispered in anger, I quickly got up and grabbed my stuff.
    “Whoa! Where’s the fire?!” Sauna looked at me now sarcastic. My other friends got up curious about what it was.
    “Agh, sorry, I just remembered I have work tonight,” I looked at them apologetically and slowly started to back away hoping I wouldn’t get to work late. This would be the fifth time.
    “Isn’t it illegal to let people under the age of 18 to work late, especially around eleven or twelve o’clock at night?” My other friend, Jess, retaliated.
    “Well, You obviously know I’m always busy and so this was the only job available where I can earn money, do homework, and study at the same time,” I explained, and itched to get away. The manager should surely yell at me, “Well G2G, guys!” I waved goodbye and made a run for it.
    I quickly put the key in the ignition and shifted the gear shift to drive. I was now at a red light. I rested my head on the seat and thought profoundly. I shut my eyes closed for a second and relaxed. My mind wandered to the memories of an old forgotten childhood encounter. The light turned green but I didn’t pay attention I stayed there. Mesmerized by my captivating thoughts I had forgotten about my rush to work.
    *Beep* *Beep*
    I rapidly opened my eyes and noticed the car honking behind me. My thoughts faded and I quickly placed my hands on the wheel and drove. I got to the gas station and parked in the back. I put on my name tag and hopped onto the curb and walked into the store. *Ding* the chime would go off when I entered through the door.
    “Finally! You’re ten minutes late! You know I have a family to go to. Don’t make me file complaints on employee review day.” He threatened in his Italian accent.
    “Oh, I’m so sorry,” I pleaded for his forgiveness.
    “Fine, just don’t do it again.”
    “Thank you, got behind the cash register. It was night, Obviously no one would come so I pulled out my books from my backpack and studied. My backpack was a completely black Jansport with all my favorite bands logos pinned to it. I have an English test tomorrow. My stomach growled so I clutched it and groaned. Then I looked and reached out for some chips in front of me, I got out a dollar and some change and dropped it into the cash register. I was so tired. We ran three miles in P.E. today and my legs ached. I wish I stretched before I ran. Stupid mistake. I didn’t feel like studying so I stopped. My iPod was out of battery so I couldn’t listen to some Metallica. I regretted not charging it. I would sit here for another two hours. Getting my daily four hours of sleep. I know it’s not healthy, but what do I care. I was bored to death, so I rested my head on my arms, closed my eyes, and began to day dream. I smiled at my thoughts hoping what I was dreaming would come true. But of course, I reminded myself of a five year old day dreaming and pretending that all of it was true and played my special part as a princess or a fairy. I’m older now. I know better. None of it would be true. Never.
    *Ding* I ignored the sound I was too busy dreaming. Faint footsteps got fainter and fainter. I heard the steps following it to what I know was the chips and candy section, then it walked over to the soda section. Then the steps got louder. I was still busy dreaming. *Ding* *Ding* *Ding*
    “Oh, God! Would you just shut up!” I kissed my dreams goodbye.
    “ Sorry, I just wanted to buy something and some gas,” he looked at me.
    “Ugh it’s you,” I whispered, then I was curious at why he was here at such a late hour, “Why are you at a gas station so late at night?”
    “Ah, I just got back from a party,” He looked at me with affectionate eyes, I knew he was lying, he only came here to see me. This would happen three or two times every two weeks or so, “ It got boring so I left early.” I looked at the digital clock to my right and say that it was 12:48. Early? Yeah right.
    “ Exactly how long are these parties?” Never going to one I wondered.
    “ Ha-ha, until everyone is completely drunk and has a really bad hang over the next day, “ He mused. It was disgusting at how people were so out of control.
    “ That’s retarded,” I said with a frown on my face.
    “ I guess, “ He smiled at me. He was a jock, I have no idea why he likes me. I guess he has bad taste in girls. Everyone other than my friends and him treated me like I was crap. He has dark brown hair, cerulean blue eyes, and somewhat tanned skin. He wasn’t a football jock, he plays soccer, that’s what our high school takes pride in.
    “You know I’m having a-“
    “ Forget about it,” I cut him off, saying in a stern voice. This wasn’t the first time I said no to one of his invitations to one of his pointless parties.
    “Oh, ok, then,” his face dropped and his voice sad.
    “ Three dollars and twenty five cents,” I said putting my hand out for the money, “ You wanna bag for the stuff?”
    “No thanks,” He looked through his wallet, then dropped the money in my hands, making sure to not make any skin contact. He knew how much I hated it when he touched me. Last time he did I punched him in the guts.
    He picked up his things and began to leave.
    “Have a goodnight?” I thought, was it ‘Have a good night?’ or was it ‘ Have a good day?’, oh well.
    “ Ahaha, you too,” He turned his head and smiled at me, then left. That was the first time I probably said something at least a bit nice to him in a while.
    * * *
    I woke up the next morning with a massive head ache. I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet . I pulled out the Advil, popped the cap and placed a pill on my tongue. I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth and hair, and slid into my clothes. A black long sleeve shirt that had a logo of Marilyn Manson on that I had made and I wore black skinny jeans with skulls running down the side of it. I tied my short black hair into pigtails with skull hair bands. My hair had dark blue highlight streaks. I put on some black eyeliner making sure I didn’t put on too much. I picked up my bag off the floor and ran down the stairs. I grabbed my car keys off the table and hurried out the door.
    “ Alicia, aren’t you going to eat some breakfast?!” My hypocritical mom yelled out to me. I didn’t answer I just hopped onto the car and drove to school. I turned my stereo on and put on “Sad but True” by Metallica. I made sure the volume was at its highest. I put the car on reverse and pulled out of the driveway. I was half way to school and was on red light. I turned my head to the left and saw the car’s window next to me roll down.
    “Hey?” It was him, Jordan. I looked away and changed the song to “ The Unforgiven” also by Metallica, “ Aww, come on don’t play that song you know how it makes me feel bad.” He smiled at me but he had a sad countenance. It brought back memories from our childhood. I sat there hands on the wheel and my foot on the gas pedal ready to go full speed once the light turns green. I was still very angry at what he had done to me when we were small. I held that grudge for nine years, and plan on holding it longer. We’re sixteen now and haven’t been friends since we were seven.
    “ Listen, I’m still sorry for what happened when we were small. Can’t you-“ the light turned green and I stomped on the gas pedal and left. “ The Unforgiven” one of my favorite songs, but it made me kinda sad. I finally parked in the student parking lot and went to my locker.
    “ HEY!” my friend Max yelled out at me. Max is a girl with a guy’s name, it was just Max it wasn’t short for anything like Maxine or Maximillian, it was just plain old Max. Who knows why her parents named her that. Maybe they were hoping for a boy but had received a girl and were disappointed about it. So they punished her by naming her Max.
    “ Hi,” I was looking in my locker for my science book, I couldn’t find it, I swear it was in here somewhere. I was frustrated.
    “Can’t find your science book, huh?” Max looked at me.
    “How did you know?” Then I turned to look at her and got mad, she had the book in her hands and held it out to me.
    “ Sorry, I needed it for homework and I left mine at my dad’s house when I went to see him over the weekend,” She handed it over.
    “ That’s alright, just remember, you owe me chocolate Pocky’s next time you borrow something from me,” I smiled teasing her.
    “What’s up guys?” I turned my head and saw my friend Dante walk up to us.
    “ Nothing,” that was my usual answer.
    “We better get going we’re gonna be late for homeroom,” Dante always made sure we got to class on time, I always lost track of the time. We walked there in a hurry, it was on the other side of school. It was a three minute walk but so much went in my head that it felt like forever. We got into our assigned seats and started to talk, the tardy bell rang about five seconds after we got into our seats. I took out my binder and started to sketch out of boredom. I looked to my right and saw a group of friends grimace at me, so I looked back down and resumed drawing. I covered it with the hand I was drawing with and my other arm that prevented the paper from moving so I wouldn’t mess up. I saw my friend, James, sitting next to me listening to his iPod. We’re not allowed to listen to them during school but because of his hair that covered his ears it was hard to tell, it was clever but risky. I knew he was listening to Metallica, he was my only friend who did. I looked over to my left and saw my homeroom teacher, who was my music teacher, fixing a broken cello that dropped during one of our concerts.
    “ Wow, that’s a nice drawing,” Jordan was behind me now staring at my drawing.
    “ I don’t need your compliments,” I covered it up. The anime drawing was of a rocker girl and a rocker guy, they were a couple, playing their guitars and singing, together.
    “You don’t have to be so mean, I’m just being nice and telling you what u want to hear,” He smiled brushing my hand away that covered up the drawing, I quickly pulled my hand away. His touch felt like ice to me, stinging wherever he touched. He stared at it with admiring eyes, “ if I were like that, would you like me again?”
    I pulled away from him, “ No, not even if you magically turned into my dream guy I still wouldn’t, not after what had happened when we were small. I would never forgive you, making sure I made you miserable,” I gave him a stern look, every word I said looked like I was feeding him poison, his face got sadder with every stinging word I told him. I would make his life a living hell.
    “ I’ll get you to like me someday, just watch,” He smiled at me, his overconfidence insulted me. He thinks he’ll win me over like I’m any ordinary brainwashed girl. Well, I’m not, in fact I’m not ordinary and I wouldn’t say I’m brainwashed.
    “ That’s absurd,” I laughed amused at the thought that that would come true.
    “ Absurd, but true,” He then went back to his seat. The bell would ring in two minutes. I sat there and thought. What if it would happen? No, I shouldn’t think that. I started to play with my pigtails. *Riiing* We waited in our seats and stayed quiet. Our homeroom teacher waved his hand to us signaling for us to leave.
    I met up with Dante, Max, and James we had first period together.
    “ Ugh, we have a test today,” I complained, but I know I would ace the test.
    “ Don’t you whine, you always pass, I’m the one who should be worrying,” Max buried her face into her hands. I placed my hand on her shoulder and comforted her, as did Dante and James.
    “ Thanks guys,” She smiled.
    “ No problem,” James and Dante both had said that at the same time, I giggled.
    “ Jinx! You owe me a soda,” they both said, again at the same time, I started to laugh louder, as did Max. It reminded me of middle school.
    “ Agh, forget it,” James knew he would have to buy the soda, “ I’ll get you guys sodas at lunch.”
    “ That’s alright, I don’t want one,” I smiled at him. I wasn’t feeling to good today. I knew he would be in class. Unfortunately, we have all classes together. How ironic. I think he had the school make sure he was in all of my classes. It made me wonder, what if he paid them. It was annoying how he was everywhere when I didn’t want him. We finally reached class he sat there staring at the door waiting for me to enter. I took a deep breath and thought, “Another horrific day, great.” My mind amused me. My seat was all the way in the back near the window, next to a goth girl with purple greasy hair and way too much makeup she was to my right and Jordan in a seat in front of me. My thoughts miserable as always, would venture to what had happened in my childhood. It would haunt me in my dreams, my nightmares, my thoughts. It ate me up and made me the miserable person I am today. I would put on a mask for my friends. I didn’t need anyone to care not listen I just needed someone to be there beside me. The horror of being alone in a crowded world. Being left alone in the middle of nowhere, afraid for your sanity, afraid for your life. Sanity. Sanity was something I had lost as a child. I rested my head in the palm of my hands,, staring through the window, just staring, not thinking at all.
    Then suddenly out of nowhere a folded piece of paper smacks me in the face then falls into my free hand.
    “ Sorry,” He turned his head a bit and whispered.
    I didn’t want to open it, but curiosity overwhelmed me. I opened it up trying not to make any sound and so that the teacher would not see. I had finished my test early, it was a piece of cake. I read the letter. It read:
    Sorry. T^T You don’t know how guilty I feel. I was a child then and I didn’t know better. If I could go back and change all of that I would have stayed with you there. I would comfort you, protect you. You know I love you. <3 Once again I’m sorry, love.
    With unconditional love,
    Jordan :]
    Should I reply? I felt like crumpling the paper up and throwing it into a fire. He made me so sick. How could he care so much, especially for a girl like me? Not only that. But how could he expect to be redeemed after what he had done. I wanted to ignore him, but I wanted some anger to be off my chest. I would vent on what I would write, so I wrote:
    I don’t need you, in fact I don’t want you. If you “love” or care so much for me, do me a favor and back off. I have enough people. As crappy as life is, I’m fine. Please don’t reply back. D:<
    With unconditional hate,
    Alicia
    I dropped the folded note over his shoulder. I could tell he was happy that I had replied back to him, but as soon as he reads the note I know he will regret reading it. I saw him scribble more onto the note. He then quickly folded it up and threw it back over his shoulder. I picked it up and started to read:
    Sorry I replied. :[ But you have to know that there can always be people other than family and friends. I know I’m not in the friend category but I still care. No matter how much you hate me, don’t want me, and don’t ever want to see me ever again I will always be there beside you. I need you. I’m not being selfish it’s just that. . . Well I don’t really know why but it’s just a feeling that won’t let go. But who am I to understand what love is, who does? <3 I’ll wait for you always no matter how many times you push me away. I know that you’re thinking why am I so into you, well love is love. :] My type isn’t the pretty blonde snotty brain-dead cheerleader , like most people think. You’re exactly my type. <3
    Love,
    Jordan
    Oh my god! Why won’t he just leave me alone!? I was so mad that if I were in a manga right now a huge vein would have popped out of my head and steam would be bursting out of my ears. I replied back:
    Screw you.
    With infinite hate,
    Alicia
    I threw the paper over. He read it, and then he put it into his pocket. Why would he keep it? My thoughts were even more confused than ever, life crappier than usual. What else could go on today? I know I would regret thinking that. I jinxed myself.
    The bell rang and it was time to go to history class. I hated that class, first of all it was unbelievably boring and second of all Jordan was there too. I can never escape from his presence. He was always either behind me, next to me, or across from me. Ugh, I had a headache again. I could feel my body temperature rising. I quickly got to my locker and exchanged my English text books for my history text books. My body was aching, I wanted to go home.
    I walked into to class and seated myself. I slumped into my seat. I pulled out my history text books and binder. Then I rested my head on my books and blocked the light out with my arms.
    Out of nowhere a gentle hand landed on my head and brushed the top of my hair, “ Are you feeling okay?” Jordan was there trying to comfort me, but he did the exact opposite. When he touched me I felt like throwing up.
    “No, I’m not ok, just leave me alone,” I slurred, I was tired and didn’t feel like myself, then I placed my head back down. The tardy bell rang, I picked up my head, I wouldn’t want the teacher thinking I was sleeping in class. Jordan went back to his seat, directly to my left.
    “ Okay class, today we are going to learn about World War one and World War two. But instead of teaching the chapter to you guys I’m going to have the class pick pairs and learn together. I want the pairs to write an essay on it and make a diagram on something you found interesting on either the first war or the second one,” The class was happy about the paired project, we don’t get those often, “ but, I’m picking pairs.” The class groaned, all hopes crushed to work with a close friend.
    From the corner of my eye I saw Jordan smile. Why is he smiling? No. Don’t tell me. Oh god, I’ve been sabotaged.
    “ Karren you’re with Trix,” no they’re so lucky, I was hoping on getting the project done with Karren, “ James you’re with Max,” Damn it! He called out more pairs while looking at his clipboard, “ Dante you’re with Ron,”[(<--LMAO!!! srry its an inside joke between me and my friend TallDarkUnKnown)] more pairs picked, I haven’t been picked yet and neither has Jordan, “ And last but not least the last pairs are Jordan and Alicia,” the teacher and Jordan both smiled. All the world conspires to help you achieve what you want, is something I read in one of my favorite books. They are all lies! The world favored Jordan, but didn’t give a damn about me.
    “ One more step closer,” He smiled to himself. I felt like chewing his head off. RAWR! That was my answer to everything whenever I got mad on AIM.
    “ I hate you,” I hissed back at him.
    “I know, I love you too,” I felt like telling him to shut the hell up, but I didn’t want to make a commotion.
    “How did you get the teacher to pair us up?!” I was curious, still angry at the pair up, the teacher, and at Jordan.
    “ Just lucky I guess,” was he lying to me?
    [end of chapter 1]
    [(Whoever reads this please help me give it a title oh and please comment thank you ;])]