• I hit the red hand ball as hard as i could it pounded on the wall and swerved just out of reach of bennett.
    He made a grunt of displeasure as the ball bounced past his small fist.
    The fifth graders around me cheered. Hell yes i'm the undefeated champion of handball. i though holding my chin high as i was highfived.
    my small shitty flip phone buzzed in my back pocket.
    'What who is calling me know?' i thought
    I quickly ran into the vacant boys restroom and flipped open the phone.
    "hello?" my unchanged voice echoed thro the stalls.
    "K-Kid it's your d-" the framilliar man cleared his throat. "- it's you dad."
    He sounded solumn and different than my "role model father" he was always laughing and when he said "kid" it usually shot a smile through my pale face, but not this time.
    "hey dad."
    "I-I want you to listen to me, d-dont loose your s**t with me it's hard on my side too."
    i litterally flinched at his cuss word.
    "uhm yea?" i said glancing at the ground silently furious with his language.
    "Your mother....she.....she is'nt coming home anytime soon." his voice cracked.
    My thoughts shot to my cancer sick mother who had been in the hospital for over 8 months.
    "well.... i can wait. do you know when she can come home?" i asked with a hopefull tone.
    "ERRAHHH-" there was a crash in the backround. "Don't ******** play stupid with me you little f*****t!!" the heart- ripping words were spat into my face and i frowned feeling a lump in my throat.
    "she- she- she isnt coming back?" i choked out hoping just hoping i was completely wrong.
    he mocked me then said with a unframilliar chuckle.
    "Yah little whore she ain't." the end of the line hung up.
    My swaetshirted back slid easliy down the tile wall as i presumed putting my head between my small knees.
    Thoughts raced.
    i knew this moment would come.
    I will never see her again.
    No more waking up to warm hugs and pancakes.
    No more acoustic guitar and that beatiful voice.
    No more smiles from the woman i had and always will call mother.
    Were will this leave me? i thought
    She is gone.
    The way my father talked to me... the names.
    All the sudden a possibility hit me.
    could me 'never touched a drop of alcohol father' given in under this horrible event?
    A flash back of mum spinning in the easter sun with her grandmother's dress crossed my mind and i collapsed in shuddered, noisy sobs.
    Then i felt the footsteps as someone entered.
    I tried to sink in to my own human ball, but he saw me.
    "hey? are... you ok?" said the man i hadnt heard his voice before.
    I cried harder remembering voices i had heard before but never would again.
    "uhm-" he was extremely nervous, "- yuh hurt mate?"
    ***
    I remember peeking through tears and my hands at the fifth graders staring at the man caring thier handball champion.
    I tired to hide but i knew there was no escape.

    As he sat me in the office chair i wrapped my arms around myself and cried silently knowing i could not stop but trying to hide from embarrassment at the large office lobby crowd.
    I heard tiny feet among tiny heels and the the office door swung open.

    soo yeahhh if you want me to continue there is like 5 parts... i just didnt want to overwhelm you... so yeah comment if i should keep going.