• The way you looked at me

    with every punch,

    every kick

    that I unwillingly threw your way

    has never left me.



    I remember

    the fear and panic

    in your dark brown eyes.

    I remember

    the tears

    running down your face.

    I remember

    your eyebrows knitted together

    in fear and worry

    and I remember

    the sobs

    erupting from your small body,

    the soft whimpers

    escaping your slightly parted lips

    while you tried to catch your breath

    but still defend yourself

    from me.



    I was being gentle; I promise.

    But the way you looked at me

    made me think otherwise.



    I didn’t want to fight you,

    but there we were

    in the ring

    for four minutes of agony and suffering,

    agony and suffering

    for both of us.



    I had no choice.



    You know

    that I would never intentionally hurt you.

    You know that, right?

    You know

    that I love you.

    You know that, right?



    I love you.

    I adore and treasure you.

    And I would never

    in a million years

    dream of hurting you.



    I’m so sorry.

    And even though you’ve forgiven me,

    I don’t think

    that I could ever

    forgive myself

    because the memory of you in the ring,

    with your teary eyes,

    furrowed brows,

    flushed cheeks,

    and heaving shoulders

    is permanently

    etched into my brain.



    I hope

    that I will never do anything

    that brings tears

    to your beautiful brown eyes

    ever again.



    If I ever did again,

    what kind of sister would I be?