• Twas the night before Christmas, and in the fair city,
    its snow-capped denizens did moan with pity.
    They were locked outside old Scrooge's home,
    Hungry and cold, and covered in loam.

    While old Mister Scrooge sat in his study
    smoking a pipe and counting his money,
    He called for a butler and let out a yawn.
    "Are those foul cretins still on my lawn?"

    "Indeed, my lord!"
    but his voice shook with fear
    For in the bedraggled crowd
    were those he held dear.

    "The larder is full,
    won't you have pity?"
    "Toss out a maid,
    The one that's been bitchy."

    But the maid did little
    to ease the zombies' hunger,
    and as time went on
    they increased in number.

    They banged on the door
    of Scrooge's posh home
    While the man sat inside,
    Nibbling on a scone.

    "Urrrgh!" groaned a zombie
    and the others agreed
    with barricades this strong,
    more zombies they'd need.

    They moaned in the dark,
    they moaned in the light
    Until in the sky they saw
    a great sleigh in flight.

    Pulled by nine reindeer,
    Just who could it be?
    As the sleigh came down
    they anticipated with glee

    It landed on the road,
    and a man shambled out.
    Bulbous and rotten,
    Zombie Santa, no doubt.

    He walked to the door
    and he flexed his great girth,
    before crashing onto it
    like comet against earth.

    Under his assault,
    the doors opened quick!
    It was an easy job
    for zombie Saint Nick.

    Groaning and snarling,
    zombies swarmed the hall
    and met a brave butler
    who faced them standing tall.

    What happened to him
    certainly wasn't clean.
    More detail than that
    wouldn't be PG-Thirteen.

    Santa grinned as best he could
    at the joy he'd brought his friends
    but he had more work to do;
    more presents he had to send.

    As quick as a flash,
    he was back in his sleigh
    whipping the reindeer,
    and soaring away.

    "Hurrgh hurrgh hurrgh!"
    he groaned with cheer,
    as he wished his comrades
    a Happy New Year.