• About Fayroza

    Little girl named Fayroza … she was born in a small wooden house in the mountains and raised in a beautiful place where everything is so clear … she was so innocent to be born in such world … she was living her life chasing butterflies and collecting roses … her hair was like the golden sun and her cheeks were like apples …

    Fayroza was seeing the beauty in everything around whether it was black or white; she has pure emotions to everything and everyone. Love was the thing she was living by, in the beat of her heart, the air that she's breathing, the steps of hers, every wish in her birthday, every kiss and every hug, every word and every smile … all her life is about love … but, nothing stays still !

    She was seven years old when she saw some rush crazy man running towards her town screaming "the war is coming … the war is coming!" …
    She was watching with terrified eyes, and he was still saying "everyone is coming, every man, every boy, any one can hold a weapon"… during this, she was in a big maze, looking in the frightened eyes of people … she saw cruelness and weakness, savagery and sadness … she couldn’t understand all this nervous air, so she ran to her mum, hold her legs and cried … what's happening?, why is everything turning into a mess after all this peace?. She looked to her mum holding a trodden rose; her mum hid a tear from her …

    After a few normal days and she was forgetting a little bit about yesterday … she woke up on some loud noise, she looked from the window, to see great dust in the air, she had no time to wonder, she went straight to her parents’ room, but it was already empty so she ran downstairs to find her mum standing on the door waving to her father.

    The war started on the other side of mountains, there was another one started in her town … While there were no men, thieves, mercenary and militia were taking everything, killing everyone. Women couldn’t get out freely to go to markets or to check on their farms; children couldn’t play beside the small river.


    Fayroza was sleeping beside her mother dreaming of her heroes saving the town and bringing her father home safe. She dreamed that he came back holding his head up and smiling to her saying that war is over and everything is okay. She was covering herself by his scarf which she is wearing all the time, she was telling her mother that she can smell her daddy’s scent in it, her mother smiles to her and wipes away a fallen tear.

    ***

    -“Mammy, I’m happy!”
    -“And why is that baby?”
    -“Because I feel my daddy is near”
    -“How?!”
    -“My heart is telling me this, and I see angels protecting him in my dreams”

    Her mother smiled at her sadly. She’s just a little girl, how could she know or understand what’s going on or how wars could be.

    -“Mama, why are you smiling? … I know, you don’t believe me, do you?” Fayroza said irritated.
    -“I do baby, I do believe you … but in such a world, don’t give your heart a big space, don’t open its door too much and don’t give it to anyone” mother said softly.

    Fayroza felt angry and said crying “No body will take the space of my heart; no body can close its door or control it”.

    She was crying so hard, she felt something strange and bad in these words of her mother as if her heart is pushed in a tiny box and need to explode but she couldn’t explain this to her mom when she hold her so tight, “I love you mammy”.

    Sometimes, Fayroza cries at night alone. She stands on the window of her room looking to the mosque and the sky, speaks to God, and cries as if her mother wouldn’t hear her. She was praying for something she felt but didn’t know exactly what it is. But she always felt like it will be taken away from her. Her mother knows nothing about this but when she was watching her playing -when the town was safe- she felt that despite her innocent and big smile, there’s another world inside her girl, that she has a big heart. It can be hurt from anyone but it can’t die. She was very proud but the fear was killing her.

    Days was passing by and the fighters were still in their own battle, the only new thing was a surveillance tower and four soldiers whom were paid by some of those mercenary to cover them and secretly steal food for them, and that disturbed town people for a while but they kept it inside for their kids safety.

    ***

    It’s been two months now and still there are no signs for the end of this crisis. But this shining little girl had enough life inside to move on, to think of her bright dreams, her colors, papers and the small roses beside the river.

    One day she was so happy and playing around her mother. Her heart was beating from happiness as she was telling her mother to put her hand on her chest and feel her beats.
    - “I told you, mammy, my heart will never die … you always tell me that God angels are around keeping me safe, aren’t they?” Fayroza said to her mother while she was giving her a kiss.

    -“Yes sweetie, you are my pearl and I am sure you have the sea inside” her mother said proudly.
    -“What does this mean?”
    -“I mean, you have a big heart and a bright mind” said her mother with love.

    Fayroza smiled so innocently to her mother while she stopped playing and started drawing something in her small sketch,
    -“What are you drawing, baby?”
    -“Wait mammy, don’t look now, I’ll show you” Fayroza hid her papers.

    Suddenly, Fayroza stopped drawing

    - “can you hear mama?”
    -“hear what baby?”
    -“……”

    She went fast toward the door.
    -“Where are you going? … Fayroza, No!”

    Her mother shouted loudly, she chased her but Fayroza was standing by the door
    -“I told you never to …”

    -“It’s my dad…look, he’s coming behind this hill”

    By then a covered man showed up, she ran towards him “daddy…” she yelled.
    Seeing her, a man from the militia who was trying to hunt a Dove from the beginning of the day thought “let’s try to shoot, maybe I can get her!” putting an evil on his dark dirty face.

    Her mother was so happy and so afraid and so …… she didn’t know what her feeling was exactly, she was disturbed and stressed; she thoughts “It’s okay now, he’s here”.

    She heard a loud sound that cut off her thoughts; she looked to watch the most unbelievable scene, the fall of all seasons, the fall of time, the fall of innocence. The real treason mixed with the purest blood ever. “Fayroza………!” Fayroza fell on her knees down to the legs of her father with her blood on his shocked face. She collapsed silently. She was falling while the whole world is rising for her.

    She was shaking in her father’s hands “you are not … my father!” she said it with a big tear dropping from her small eye then, …the peace lighted up her face. The man didn’t know what to do while her mother was running toward her crying madly “I will kill you, I will kill you monster…I swear I’ll kill you, I’ll tear your heart into pieces”

    She bended beside Fayroza trying to catch her breath which was already gone. She saw some curved paper in her daughter hand; she pulled it to see what these little hands were drawing. It was a small family: man, woman and little girl holding their hands and swinging; the blue sky is full with small angels around the sun and big words were written (I love my ...) “she couldn’t even complete her words … she thought…her father is…” she whispered crying; she yelled: “Why…………?” but the answer was death. Eight hot bullets went through her back just to fall beside her daughter … then, the silence again.

    In this horrible morning, no one was allowed to carry their bodies to pray and bury them properly. But there were rumors that: a stranger came late at night, crying so hard beside them that they heard his weeping. They saw him taking something then left his hands to the sky in a long pray. Minutes later there was a downpour and the wind was so wild that the river flooded to carry the two bodies away from this sinful land. By the dawn call, nothing remained.

    Some say, that this stranger was a guardian angel from God, some say he was the man who witness their death and others say he was her father!

    Nour Badr
    Friday 21-8-2009
    9:00 pm