• The Princess had never been so afraid. She was lost in Sherwood Forest.
    Huge trees towered over her, throwing shadows that were getting blacker as the sunlight faded. Somewhere above her an owl gave a deep, trembling hoot. Or was it an owl? She had heard about how the outlaws sometimes talked by bird sounds. She stopped, leaned in close to tree and listened.
    Instead of an owl, there was a strange creaking above her, as if a branch was beginning to break. She looked up. A man, dressed in green, leaped out on a limb above her. “Fear not, dear maiden!” the man cried. Then, SNAP! CRACK! The man and the branch came tumbling down. The princess ducked.
    “Are you perhaps…” the princess asked after he had risen, “…Robin Hood?”
    “Ah, not really,” the man replied, dusting off his striped, floopy hat. “I’m his cousin Ralph.”
    “Ralph Hood?”
    “Well, actually, Ralph Stupid Hat.” He showed her the hat.
    “Yes, very nice,” she said. “Tell me, where’s your cousin? I need his help.”
    Ralph began to answer, but a shout interrupted him. More shouts followed. Someone was crashing through the forest towards them. “Oh no!” the princess gasped. “They’ve found me! You must help me, Ralph!”

    “Uh… Let me call Robin!” Ralph reached into his pocket.
    “Call him?! We don’t have time to call him! You have to help me!”
    “But I can’t!” he exclaimed. “This is my first mission! I didn’t know I would run into a lady!”
    “Actually, I’m a princess,” she said with a flounce. “And if we don’t hurry, this princess and that silly little boy are going to be dinner!”
    “Alright. Um…we could try to lose them. How fast can you run Princess?”
    “Fast enough.” The princess started to fiddle with her skirt.
    “Um…now’s not really the time to be vain. Your skirt’s going to be a mess by the time we’re safe.”
    “Oh! I have to tie it out of the way if I’m to run properly!” She bent over and retied her shoes. “Okay. I’m ready now!”
    “Follow me!” Ralph started off at a sprint.
    “You won’t be able to maintain that pace for very long, especially with them following us. We should start slow.”
    “Just shut-up and follow me! It won’t take long to lose them if you’re quiet! Now let’s go!”
    “I hope you’re right.” She muttered under her breath.
    They took off. It wasn’t ten minutes before Ralph was puffing.
    “Ralph!” the princess exclaimed. “You are seriously out of shape! I knew we should have started slow! You need somewhere to rest. Are there any places we can rest for a few minutes?”
    “Uh… puff… maybe… puff… by the… puff… stream.”
    “Okay. We’ll go to the stream and find you a resting place.” The princess took his hand and led him away. She started at a walk and worked up to a trot, never letting Ralph fall behind. Soon they were at the stream. They stopped for a moment. Ralph leaped at the chance to learn more about the princess.
    “Princess,” he said with a leap, “is your hair longer than it was this morning? I may be just seeing things.”
    “No, you’re not seeing things. My hair has amazing abilities and it will soon reach the ground if I do not cut it.”
    “Oh. Princess? I need to know from whom we’re running if I’m to protect you.”
    “No.” she said in a tone that signaled that topic wasn’t open for discussion. “I can tell you if you are doing what you need to protect me. I cannot tell you who is behind us and I cannot tell you why I am running from them.”
    “I noticed,” he blundered on, “ that whenever you speak of them, you shudder. Are they that hideously ugly, cruel, or whatever other despicable word you can think of?”
    “I don’t want to talk about it.” She seemed to draw into herself.
    “Princess, are you cold? I can fetch some firewood.”
    She paused to think. “Yes, go fetch some wood. We should be safe tonight.” Ralph left her to perform a chore that he learned as a young boy, before he was in the employ of his cousin, Robin.
    Ralph soon returned. He had more firewood than any boy his age should be able to carry. “Ralph, I’m amazed at you! That’s something even Robin Hood couldn’t have done so quickly and thoroughly!”
    “Thank you Princess,” Ralph said, blushing. “Actually it was Robin who taught me to gather wood. I’ll be sure to tell him how great a teacher he is.”
    Poor Boy, the princess thought to herself. He seems to lead a sorry life. I could find somewhere better for him.
    “Ralph,” she called with a funny expression on her face. “Ralph, does Robin treat you well? Are you happy in these woods?”
    Ralph glanced at her. “Of course Princess. Why wouldn’t I be happy?”
    “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe Robin’s not a very nice man. But if you’re happy, that’s all I’ll say about it.”
    “If you say so.”
    “Ralph,” she dared to bother him again. “Ralph, how old are you?”
    With great pride Ralph declared “I’m ten and a half! Soon to be eleven! I’d much rather be ten than twenty-six like Robin. He’s such a spoil-sport.”
    “Eleven! My! You sure are a mature young man! And your parents, Ralph? Where are they?”
    “Oh! Princess, I wish you hadn’t brought them up! They were killed, Princess, killed. By a cold-hearted king, who cared not a wit for his people,” the young boy wailed. The princess couldn’t bear to see Ralph so upset. She immediately went and comforted the poor boy. She promised never to speak of his parents again.
    The next morning they moved on, albeit a little less briskly than the day before. They picked berries, chatted and laughed, but never mentioned the night before. They camped and had a jolly good time. This routine continued for several days, until the princess felt that she had become quite a woodswoman. She had just built up the courage to bring up that horrible first night she had spent with Ralph, when she heard an owl hoot. Or was it an owl? She crept up to the nearest tree and looked up. There! She went back to tell Ralph what she had found.
    “There’s a man in the tree over yonder. I think we’re close to the camp now. He hooted like an owl as you did the day we met.”
    “Oh,” Ralph replied glumly. “I suppose I won’t see you again Princess. Once Robin sees you, you’ll have a hard time getting out of camp. He’s very protective of the women and the gold. He does his best to keep them safe, and I’m sure he’ll think you need protected.”
    “Oh dear!” the princess exclaimed. “I can’t let him do that! I need to go home when we finish speaking! Ralph! Ralph! Stop! I need to tell you something. You remember when we met? How I was running from them? You deserve to know who they are.” She took a deep breath. “It was my family, Ralph. I’m the eldest child and I have certain obligations to meet. When I don’t meet these obligations, nasty things happen. As the eldest and the heir to my Father’s possessions, I am required to marry. But I didn’t want to marry. At least not the suitor they had chosen for me. Yes, he was rich, and wise, but he was awfully old and ugly. So I ran away. I thought, maybe I could find someone better. Someone I really liked. Someone who has prestige. So I sought Robin Hood. But I miss my family and I don’t want to be an outlaw. And Robin is terribly old. Ralph, I want you to come home with me. My father may approve of you, and maybe we could someday marry. But not for many years. I didn’t realize how old Robin was. I mean, I’m only ten! You’re older than I am! And I really like you, Ralph. Please.” The princess begged. Ralph was confused. He was only ten and a half. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to leave Robin’s band, but he also didn’t want to hurt the princess.
    “Princess?” he inquired. “What if your family doesn’t like me?”
    The princess pondered. She hadn’t thought to consider that her family might not like the man she chose. “I suppose they’ll throw you out and I’ll be forbidden to ever leave the house again.”
    “Oh. Well, I’m not sure I want that to happen. I could take you to Robin and let him decide. He might take you in himself.”
    “Oh! But I don’t want Robin to take me in! He might decide to marry me! That would be horrible! If you don’t want to come, it’s alright. I’ll go back and find my family. You can do as you will. Fare well Ralph.”
    The princess turned around and started back the way they had come. Ralph stood and pondered how he truly felt. He stood for three days while the princess walked home. He stood while her parents determined that they would lock the princess in a tower with no doors and only one window at the very top of the tower, fifty feet up. He stood there while Robin’s men fought the evil king, John. He stood there while the evil king’s brother declared Robin and his band good men. He stood there for five years until finally deciding to seek out the princess and her father’s approval. He moved first his right leg, then his left leg. He was stiff from standing under the tree where the owl had hooted five years ago. He searched for a year before finding her tower. He called up to her.
    “Princess, are you up there? It is I, Ralph Stupid Hat, come to seek your approval.”
    The princess poked her head out the window. “Ralph! I have not dared to hope to see your face for these last six years! You are a sight for sore eyes! Come quickly and release me from this prison my family has locked me in!”
    As she said this her hair fell out the window. It was so long it stretched all the way to the ground. She had always had long hair that grew fast, but Ralph had not thought it would grow that fast. He asked her how she managed to make it so long.
    “I have done everything I can to make it grow long and strong for just such a moment as this. I had hoped to climb down it, but soon realized the foolishness of this plan. Now it is strong enough for a prince to climb. And that’s just what you’ll have to do, Ralph. Climb up my hair and we will find an escape together.”
    And so Ralph climbed. He climbed as fast as he could, but he was still stiff and sore from standing under the tree where they had parted. He finally made it to the top as the sun was setting. It was soon too dark to search for an exit and so they lay down and slept. In the morning, they began their search. Ralph found a door where none would have expected one. It was in the floor and covered by stones. He pried out as many as he could. The princess helped as best as she was able. Soon the door was open and the two set out down the stairs. The princess had a horrible time with her hair. It was too long to walk with. Ralph suggested cutting it, but the princess was strongly opposed. She had become quite attached to it. It had been her only companion for six years. It was hard for her to remove it. So Ralph set about wrapping it around the princess in manageable coils. Soon she looked as though she had just climbed out of a shipwright’s store house.
    Ralph and the princess visited her parents. Her father took a liking to Ralph, while all of her sister princesses became jealous and demanded that they be awarded a prince. None realized that Ralph was just a poor bandit the princess had encountered one day when she was merely ten.
    “Do you, Ralph, take this princess to be your lawfully wedded wife?” the family preacher, Friar John, asked one day.
    “I do,” replied Ralph.
    “And do you, Rapunzel, take this unlawful man as your lawfully wedded husband?”
    “I do,” replied the princess.
    And they lived happily ever after.