Chapter I: Fragile
The bell rings at 6 A.M., ringing loudly so that everyone wakes up for another day at school. However, I wake up easily since I didn’t mind going through another day of school. My right hand accidentally hit a binder while I’m getting up. I begin to remember studying for my finals for a couple of hours last night. I yawn softly before I say to myself, “I didn’t need to study since the test is going to be easy, but oh well.” My arms pop painfully as I stretch them over my head. Everything around me begins to be less blurry as I keep my eyes open. Then, I worry about everyone making fun of me today for studying all night instead of going out to the football game. I reassure myself that it would have made things worse since I was never into that kind of stuff.
A loud growl erupts from my stomach, but it didn’t hurt too much. With no time to waste, I get out of bed and walk into the bathroom to take a shower. Before turning the water handle on, I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes glance down from my face to my torso and I notice my ribs popping through my flesh. It looks frightening to look at. Looking down at my legs, I wonder how I am still standing when they feel weak and small, ready to snap at any time. “I don’t have time for beauty, I’m too busy studying and doing homework,” I say to my reflection before I step inside the shower. The warm water pours over my head as I stand in it, letting my long brunette hair cover the left side of my face. I always let my hair cover that part of my face so that no one would point out my stupid genetic flaw.
By the time I finish taking a shower, I turn off the water and step out slowly, placing my feet on the carpet. I look at myself again in the mirror. Looking at my naked body, I begin to envy all the girls at school that have a beautiful body and face. Then I dry myself with a white towel before I brush my teeth and wash my face. At least I have clear skin from eating vegetables and drinking water. I walk back into my room and take out my school uniform. After putting some underwear on, I put on my white polo shirt and long skirt over it to have an even tuck. Then I put on the school uniform jacket and straighten out the logo neatly. It’s not cold in the buildings, but I don’t want anyone to see the cuts I have on my arms or else the teasing will never end. I open one of the drawers to get some socks. After putting them on, I take my blow-dryer and I dry my hair until it became dull and unevenly wavy. Good thing it held its place over my left blue eye. With some time left, I put my binders and books into my black backpack. Looking at the clock, it shows 6:45 A.M., a good time to leave early before the hallways get crowded with obnoxious people. Good thing I have the best classes to focus on even when I’m tired constantly for no reason. Before I leave for school, I take some pills to reduce the pain that would come during the day. I thank luck for not putting anyone in the same dorm with me; they would think that I’m some drug addict. Putting on my shoes, I leave the room and lock it.
When I walk down the stairs, I pass by the hallway to the boy’s dorm. But I keep my head down while walking with haste, not paying attention to where I was looking at. That was a big mistake. I accidentally bump into Jessie hard, knocking me back a big step. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to,” I apologize without looking up to his face. It’s probably still emotionless like always. Even to this day, his fierce, serious face still frightens me. And right now, I have every right to be afraid of him. “It’s okay, just don’t do it again. You could break something, you know,” he replies to me coldly without even looking at me at all. While I’m standing here like an idiot, scared of what he will say or do next, he walks off to go to the cafeteria. I sigh, wondering what I saw in him that made me be friends with him in the first place.
We were best friends for a few years at our boarding school. Jessie would always be by my side, protecting me from all of the bullies that would continuously pick on me and bully money out of me. I felt so weak and pathetic for being a burden to him, but I don’t think he minded it. What matters is that we were actually happy together, hanging out every day in the morning and at lunch. Though he never knew, I’ve always liked him for some reason. Then he became distant from me slowly by the time we reached 7th grade. I never knew why he did, but it hurt so much. What hurts even more is that I witnessed him change from a sweet, caring boy to a rebellious jerk that wouldn’t say much to anyone.
One day, some guy broke into my house. Mom was there that day, but I was at school and Daddy was stationed outside the country. He stabbed her stomach first to stop her from fighting back. Then he stabbed her 8 more times before she bled to death. Instead of taking something valuable, he destroyed our family pictures, rooms, and her wedding dress. I didn’t know what happened to her until I came home from school, to which I screamed. I held her hand tightly as we were in the ambulance. They declared her dead due to blood loss and I cried. I cried so much. So this is what it’s like to be depressed, I thought to myself while staring at her dead body. Then Jessie showed up to the hospital, even though I haven’t talked to him for a long time. I didn’t want him to be there, but Mom wouldn’t want me fighting with someone while I was mourning for her, so I sat there quietly. He didn’t say anything either. All he did was sit next to me, holding my hand gently while looking into the distance. I didn’t object to him holding me like that. It was like that for the next few hours before he finally left. Everyone picked on me more after that day. They made fun of me because my mother died and I became depressed. I lost the only friend I had. I gave up on life slowly as time passed by. Life became a black and white blur to me. Like a fool, I cut myself to feel something else besides heartbreak and I starved myself until my bones popped out from my skin. And yet, Jessie did nothing but ignore me and treat me coldly.
I walk towards math class, holding in tears from remembering our past friendship. Luckily, there was no one inside the classroom yet, so I take my time and sit all the way in the back. I greet Mrs. Cheyenne kindle before she went to her usual desk. “Good morning Mrs. Cheyenne, how are you?” She looks up from her paperwork and smiles at me. “Oh, good morning sweetie, did you study for the exam? Actually, I should know the answer to that, you’re one of the most fantastic students I’ve ever had.” We both laugh softly before I take my seat. Taking precautions, I go over my math notes a few more times to get a clear note in my head for when I take the exam. Then the bell rings at 7:00 and the hallway traffic ensues. The noise grows louder and louder as people show up to their classes. As I hoped, they’re busier focusing on complaining about the exam instead of picking on me. During the exam, I finish first among everyone else since they’re all struggling on the questions. While I turn in my work to Mrs. Cheyenne, some students snicker at me for being smart. It didn’t matter though, at least I will have a better future then they ever would. But still, it saddens me a bit since I’m lonely and different. No friends, no happiness. I’m fragile and broken like the mirror I stare at every morning.
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