• How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

    This is a process paper on making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Honestly. The process of spreading peanut butter and jelly onto slices of bread typed into a text box in gaia. Who knows? There might be some day when you’re stranded on a remote island with nothing but a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, and loaf of sliced bread. You’re going to wish you knew how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

    It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or even a student who failed rocket scientist school to figure out how the materials needed for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. All you need is a trusty jar of peanut butter, a jar of some of your favorite fruit preservative (jelly), bread of any and all variations, and an object resembling a knife (ie: your school ID). While there is an immeasurable amount of variations of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, it shouldn’t really matter which brand/off-brand of any these sandwich materials you have. At its very heart and soul, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is still ultimately, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. All of these objects are easily found and obtained at most stores that sell food, or, you can just as easily beg/borrow/steal from a friend.

    First, you need to get your basic building blocks of all things peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bread. Your options are completely open here, but preferably you should have two slices of bread, non-moldy at least. Place the bread somewhere. Next, you get your jars of peanut butter and jelly. Unlike the plastic peanut butter jar, jars of jelly are usually made out of glass and will probably break if dropped, rendering you a huge screw up for failing at something as trivial as making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now carefully open up the jars of peanut butter and jelly, to reveal their contents to open air. If it just so happens that one or both of the jars are completely empty, go get another jar of the stuff. After begging/borrowing/stealing a jar of the needed sandwich life plasma, use your knife like object to spread the stuff onto your slices of bread.

    You really can’t mess this up. Put slices of bananas inside if you want. Put the two slices of bread together. The sides of the bread with spread on them are the ones that go together. Cut your sandwich in half if you’re into that. Eat. Knock yourself out, nothing can go wrong. If your peanut butter and jelly sandwich happens to catch on fire, give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve succeeded at making such an elementary procedure of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich insanely difficult and unnecessary. I applaud you.

    Honestly. 543 words on making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spread the peanut butter on one slice of bread, spread jelly on the other, and put the two together. Enjoy. The next time you’re stranded on a remote island with nothing but a jar of peanut butter, a jar of jelly, and a loaf of sliced bread, I want you to make me proud.