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* Look at me in your moments of despair;
life is not easy life is not fair.
Look at me in your moments of loneliness;
I can bring you peace and I can bring you happiness.
Look at me in your moments of sorrow;
I am your today and I want to be your tomorrow.
Look at me in your moments of joy;
life is also worth to be enjoyed. * heart
- by Svveetie^_^ |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 08/08/2008 |
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- Title: Look at me
- Artist: Svveetie^_^
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Description:
Tell me what you think of this :p
- Date: 08/08/2008
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Comments (4 Comments)
- IMPALER_PRINCE - 01/24/2011
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I see at least one major stylistic snag and a mechanics error.
The rhythm of the 3rd couplet is unlike the the rhythm of the rest of the poem. The second line is a run on.
I could see using irregular meter to make some sort of point, but the consistency of subject makes me think otherwise. Sorry. </3 - Report As Spam
- skyla55 - 12/24/2008
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I think that you need more emotion in it...try different word combinations and it flow a bit differently. I feel that its easier to write poetry when you're overcome a a specific emotion or group of emotions...Sorrow...Love...Anger/Hate/Frustration...Joy. These are some emotions that can create beautiful poems. Also don't be afraid where your poem takes you
But for this specific one...The flow and wording should be changed a bit - Report As Spam
- jpat16 - 12/13/2008
- Its so blah, its almost as if you didnt even try
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- Macabre_Words - 12/12/2008
- OMG! I LURVS IT! SO PRETTY!
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