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To know you cant' do s**t!! Okay i'm officailly having a mental brake down....

okay if you've known me for at least to years...lets go back in time yea? Who here remembers when i was 13? Did whatever the hell i wanted, extremely blunt, violent, hurt myself, almost lost my V to some random guy because i was bord(soldier at that), got into the dark magic, used constant language, that poem about how I'd kill a person, when men didn't' matter to me, took advice as a challenge, you that know me well, you remember right? guess what? i am so close to getting back to it. but this time ten times worse. what does it matter anyways? apparently the man i love is going to die soon anyways no matter what one does or says or is willing to, my dad hates me and my mom doesn't' want me anymore, you people i call friends don't even know me anymore, etc so on so forth. how does that sound? to let all my morals, dreams, goals, ambitions go. to let my self fall in corruption like every other person. I'm so sick and tired of having to always lose the ones i love by death. I'm so sick of you people that call me yourself my "best friend" when it comes to your convenience. for my parents to think that even after all they've done, the hits(actual punches and fights none of that slap on the face got to your room crap), all the guilt filled gifts, that they have some sort of authority over me. I'm sorry i couldn't be the daughter of your ******** dreams, I'm sorry i don't' agree with half the s**t you, my friends, do. and I'm extremely sorry out of my ******** mind that i can't give you a damn good reason to live so you can stay here cause i need you, i love you...
.....I'm crying.....everything going on is just too much for me to handle...what my friends tell me...my parents always screaming at me...and knowing i'll loose the man i love soon...to hear people's insults everytime i walk outinto the street...i'm gonna go insane...i want to leave this place...i'll go any where...i'll find my way to get there but...there is no where to go...to hard tolet go of the ones i have here...help me dont' want to go down this way...