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I sorta want to cry right now...not going to say why though...well not straight out at least...unless i accedently type it out them i dunno...lyrics to some of the songs i listen to are runnign through my head and wont stop. lets put some up...

"its over there is nothing you can do, nothing you can say....play and pretend....look around it still kills me"

"Dont try to wake me up even if the sun comes out tomorrow"

"your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone, i just want one more chance to put my arms in fragil hands, i thought you said forever, come play some violens become my only friend.."



those three, and much more...maybe by that, if one is smart enough, someoen can figure out whats wrong?...bleh doubt it though...seeing how one would have to knwo my world to know why those are killing me slowly right now...serously i want my phsycologist, seriously she made me feel like i had a friend....no offence to the rest, but she was able to provide comfort 24/7. I'm serious with that, she'd let me call her at 3 in the morning, crying to her on the phone elaborating what i felt...despite how her day was she'd listen out and make me feel better, at least for a while.. But no now i cant even call her cause i'm no longer her patient and reason i stopped seeing her was because my parents and her boss thought our connection was getting to be more then it shoudl be. (she isnt suppose to care so much for her patients) i dont call cause she'd get fired...and i dotn want that for her... God i wish at least one person was aroudn right now.. i never tell my friends or anyone when i'm sad cause talking to people (phone, online) distracts me from my pain. but when absolutly no one, liek now, is aroudn i swear to god emotions take over and i just want to kill myself...by the way there is usually at least one person for me to talk to, but not tonight... damn promises, i cant do anything to my self cause of them...