Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Okay world here is the thing. For this week i'mgoign to have to prove to Jamal that i am dead sorry for what i did, and i want his trust back, as well as friendship and all. I'm not sure if he was being sarcastic but thankfull he gave me this week to prove to him. I ask of help from people. To my knees i aks of everyones help for this, to my knees i am willing for him. Where did such dedication come from? Well as most of you that read i dotn do things for people, for their forgivness or freindship, usually let it go by. BUt no not this time. I wont settle for loosing him. Cherry you know me. You know i wont settle for anything less then what i put my mind up...

Well here is my first try. I'm goign to explain, and elaborate how i really feel for him... and put tittles to songs that remind me of him. I suggest you all to look them up on youtube, you'll hear them, and also hear a bit more through then as to how i feel for him. Lets start...and none of this i'm saying out of anger, sadness, or depretion, i'm sayign it out of the truth. How do i knwo he'll read it? i'm sendign him a link to it.

Okay so i stated in my angry journal that i wouldnt be in a relationship or have any "relation" with someone that hads the same heritage as me. That is a lie that i say to my parents to piss them off. (they want me to marry within my race, especially mexican). I put it there cause i was mad, no cross that, i was infuriated. I would marry him, or have a "relation" with him because i love him to the extent i that i do. Heck if he wanted to, and i was abel to i'd marry him right now, with out second thought. I know what i feel for him, and that is love. (Cherry i dont give a ******** how many rules i'm braking by even considering loving him, by wanting him, you know what i'm talking about, and i'm sorry if i ruind your chances but i dont care cause i love him, you cant change a thing about it and that is final). Apparently he thinks i woudl chose Charlie over him. Poeple CHarlie is a friend of mine that killed himself a bit over two years ago, but i havnt been able to let go. And i shall state now that isnt true. I would never chose charlie over him. Even if charlie was alive now i'd still choose Jamal over him. What the diffrence? Despite how good Charlie treated me i wouldnt be abel to handle stayign at his side. i was barly able to then. and because i didnt love him the way i love Jamal, i loved him like a parantal figure, as a father. I love Jamal as the man he is. I see him as a man, if you dont know what i mean by that let me explain. When i see people i see a brother, friend, father, mother, sister, soemthing liek that right? When i say i see him as a man i am sayign i see him first off by wh ohe is, and a way of stating i'm attracted to him, want him as my love, and well yea by now you get the point. And god you wouldnt believe how i'm attracted to him. I look at the pictures he gave me every day, and every night before i sleep. Looking at the papasito chulo of him in those pictures give me a smile and a higher erg to tango with him (yea you all know what that means). Yes i love that man, my friends i dont care that yuo guys think he is a "jack a**" or any one of those terms you've used to describe him, cause he isnt. As for my kids that dont accept him yet, accept him even though he isnt considered your father figure anymore, or dont bother calling me mommy again. I love him, i'm going to do what i can to protect him, to make him happy, defend him, and do what it takes for him to forgive me, trust me, everything. YOu think i'm being pathetic? I'm dead sorry its more pathetic takign back a man that purposly hurts you, its more pathetic needign a man to feel good about yourself, its more pathetic not fighting for the one you love cause you think they are not good enough for you even though you know they are more then good enough for you and its you who doesnt deserve him. I told him once i was basicly okay with him being with other women...so for you little peopel that tell me that is called cheating or what ever, how is it if they are aloud to? if they have every right to? If he woudl have pulled what i did to him, or worse within a heart beat i'd forgive him, because i know we all make mistakes, and we all deserve to be forgiven if we regret. THis man i love, is amazing. Honestly a woman not to love him, not to want him is a fool. And the women to steal his heart and end up spendign her life by his side is the luckiest chick in this entire world. Yes he is that great of a man. He might not believe so, but i know so. He might not believe me, or a word this says, but i'm not lieing. I swear over the grave of my beloved dead grandmother i am not lieing. And i only swear on her grave when i'm completly serious. I love him, i want him, i need him. every second he talks to me is a second tresured. Here is a list as to why i love him... 1-He knows what he wants in life 2-looks completly atractive(lips look completly tastefull as well, dont ask) 3-he's a good person 4-like games 5- he likes a womens natural beauty...(something i've been looking for in a man for a long time) 6-he'll be honest with me(as far as i know as of now) 7-his voice makes me so nervous, temperature rises(that is a good thing) 8-related to the previous one, he has the best voice i've heard. 9-i like his laughter(so adorable) 10-his eyes, they are very beautiful(brown, but i dont like blue or green eyes) 11-he will/would listen to me despite it had been nonsence.... 12-he said he'd lay down with me at walmart...(i do find that important)... 13-simply perfefction to these eyes
I lvoe him for many reasons, those can eb considered the main ones. i love him to a high extent, and honestly i hope he feels the same way, i knwo i wont get his trust or anythign fast but i'm goign to give it my all to earn it back, along with his friendship, and hopefully with luck one day again the position to be his love...most of this was probably nonsece to people...and him...but i do love him, ido what his trust back, i dont want him to ignore me or stop talking to me... and here are the title to songs that remind me of him. Lost in you by SugarCult, Angel of Mine by Monica, Me Muero by La 5ta Estacion, Amor Gitano by Beyonce and Alejandro Fernandez, Not tired of you by The exies, Amor a la Mexicana by Thalia, Ich liebe dich by Natalie Tineo, Through the monsoon by Tokio Hotel....there are so many but those are basicly the main ones...


If anyone has an idea on how i can prove to him please bekidn to send a pm and tell. i doubt i'll be able to do it on my own...he's very important...too important to lose...imm abe workign on a poem, story, or lyrics to send him latter in the day....seeign i'm in writters block it shall be hard...