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i couldnt write the poem, my head was too busy thinking on how i shoudl prove to him... and i feel very violated... damn gonocolagists with their little icy cold metals touching...ye ai had to see one...my pains got worse down there so yea...if you're female you knwo the disturbign process...that is the first and last time i'm going to let a strange man examin me like that...by the way liz i cant do sports this year either...same reason as before, too weak to be able to handle sports....at this rate i'm never going to lose the wieght... anyhow... liz gave me a suggestion on how to prove to him...cause what everyone else was telling me are not the way i do things and i doubt will work... personally i doubt that would work as well...but its the best suggestion any one has said so far... i thought of things on my own, but not even i believe those woudl work...(yea i know i'm mentioning her a lot, but she's been on the phoen with me most of the day tryign to help me think of a way and in a way helpign me feel a bit better)... this day wasnt a charm...too many thoughts...imma go to sleep, try to, and well tomorrow do what she recomended me to do...lizy i hope you're right...if not i'm goign to need you here at my side on wednesday.....(totaly honesty it can be anyone at my side, long as they dont trying saying something that will make it worse...)..all this feels liek a punishment, and i dont want to lose him, but it feels liek i already did....

full moon bunny lend me your eyes to see how he is doing......(a phrase said within the females in my family)