Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

a lot of drugs.. like, a lot.
x (and molly)
shrooms
acid
pot

probably more that i've forgotten or that she hasn't told me about.. (can't really think of any 'cept meth/coke/crack really..)

it just... ********.. bothers me. she's done a lot of drugs. she used to drink, smoke, too...

she's quit it all... and my gut tells me i can trust her.. but still... the past bothers the ******** out of me.. I can forgive the shrooms/pot because she SAYS that someone just shoved the shrooms in her mouth when she was high (I guess ill believe her on that.. if shes lying, id like to know though.. i'd feel better) and the pot, her mom made her do it when she was high on acid..

SO

blah . . . i dont know, i think that i'd feel better about all of this if i had done some of it too myself, that way id be like, well its ok, ive done x and pot and this and that too, so i cant really be mad.. but meh.. its not going to happen.

for as anti-drug as she is.. i still dont trust her around influential people who do drugs.. just because.. im glad shes moving away from those bad people.. but bleh.. .__.;

really though.. i dont think i could stay around a 3rd time.. because if there's a 3rd time, there will be a 4th.. and a 5th.. and a 6th.. and that means i shouldn't stick around... as much as i love her, and i do love her with all my heart, i'd have to find someone clean... ive dated too many druggies in my life to go back down that road again.. its too painful..



then i scared myself too.. imagining if my grandma was calling my grandpa from beyond the grave.. up until the day he dies.. and when he dies, we find the phone next to him on the bed, with my grandmas voice going "hello? hello?? hellloo..?" then hanging up.. ******** that'd be scary.