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Story of a Stranger
When things start to hit you hard all at once, you begin drifting further and further from your self. You become a stranger.
Age 16
During my previous years of being socially awkward, I had been obsessed with the Warriors series by Erin Hunter. By obsessed I mean buying EVERY book available, including the manga series; naming every toy or fictional character after characters in the book; dressing up like a cat every chance I got; giving myself a Warrior name and only going by that name, even around my friends; and going on fan fiction websites and writing my own stories as well as meeting other Warriors fans.

While browsing around one day, I came across a particularly interesting chat site. I got to know everyone there and became a regular member. I joined the site when I was 14.

Around August when I was 15, and after the whole Lucas situation, I met a boy named Zeb on the site. He was pretty nice. We talked a lot. I had always figured internet relationships were bogus and you could never really fall for someone.I was wrong. After a few months we started developing real feelings for each other. December 15th, 11 days before my 16th birthday, we made it official and I became his girlfriend. I realized feelings for someone you had never met in person could be very real indeed.

It was great to me at first, he was sweet, and kind, and told me he loved me every day. We went strong for six whole months. Then one day I made the mistake of asking him what he found most attractive in a girl. He said he preferred girls who were as skinny or skinnier than him, he loved blonds, and they had to be pretty, regardless of whether they had makeup or not. He had a 27 inch waistline, mine was 38 inches. My hair was brown. I sent him a picture of myself, with makeup, and he told me I wasn't that pretty.

I accepted it at first, because he said I was good enough for him. Things went on normally again for another month. He never said anything hurtful the whole time.

We talked to each other mostly through the chat site, even though I had given him my number. I was worried my parents would find out. I wasn't technically allowed on chat sites. Though once in a while we texted each other too.

In August, a month after our conversation about his "type" of girl, the two of us decided to join an online game of Truth or Dare with some other kids from the chat site. We thought nothing of it since we had played with them before and they promised us it would be a clean game. For the first ten minutes it was clean. Then someone decided it would be funny if they dared someone to virtually rape me in front of everyone. In full detail. You might think, "Oh it's just on a chat room, it's not really rape," but the thought and words put into it were real.

Not only had this terrified me to the point where I swore I'd never play Truth or Dare again, it sort of triggered something in Zeb. I had told him the situation didn't bother me. He took that as an invitation to treat me as horribly as he could from that moment on. He began telling me every day that I wasn't pretty, or that I was fat and needed to lose weight if we wanted to be together forever. I would send him pictures of new outfits I had just bought, and he's say I wasted my money and I should be saving for something more slimming and fashionable. By now I was totally in love with him, so the thought of leaving him never even crossed my mind.

Around October I discovered that he had been cheating on me for five months. Normally I wouldn't have thought anything of it. I mean, it was an internet relationship after all. It wasn't the act of seeing someone else that bothered me, it was the fact that he felt he needed to hide it. That was what made it cheating. I broke up with him.

Five days later, I forgave him and we got together again. During the five days that we were apart, I had set up a date with Lucas. (We were still pretty good friends despite what he did.) When I got back together with Zeb, I let him know that I had a date with a friend in real life. He told me he was okay with that. The day came when Lucas and I were supposed to go out. Lucas stood me up.

When I explained to Zeb that I still hadn't been on a date in my life and why, he told me I deserved it for being such a filthy whore. I was shocked. He had just told me a few days before that he was okay with me going on one date. I just sort of brushed it off.

Throughout the next couple of months though, the insults just kept getting worse. He was constantly calling me a whore, a slut, a b***h, careless, fat, ugly, worthless, and useless. Once he even told me I should just go kill myself. Still, I brushed it off and accepted it. We were in love after all. Shouldn't lovers be a little criticizing now and then?

I could never bring myself to hurt Zeb. Whenever I said anything that might upset him, he would tell me I hurt his feelings and say I made him cry. I couldn't stand doing that to him. I was beginning to think we had a slightly messed up relationship. But whenever I even mentioned leaving him, he told me he would kill himself if I ever did. So of course, I stayed with him, despite all the hurtful things he would say.

Another month passed and finally it was November. One month before our one year anniversary. We were both pretty excited. What was more exciting, however, was that Zeb's birthday was in just a few days. I had been racking my brains for weeks trying to figure out what to do for his birthday. Finally I just asked him straight out. He listed a whole bunch of sexual things he wanted me to do with him for his birthday. I was reluctant. He kept pressing the issue every day, threatening to hurt himself, and me even, if he didn't get what he wanted.

That crossed the line. I was sick of all the verbal and emotional abuse he was putting me through. I wanted to do the cruelest thing I could think of. One his birthday, when he called me that morning, he told me his favorite bird died. My reply, "That sucks. I'm breaking up with you." Then I hung up on him, told my parents about him, and blocked his number. I never went back on any chat sites.

I was free.

User Comments: [1] [add]
Community Member
commentCommented on: Sun Jul 10, 2011 @ 10:17am
Good for you honey. The worst thing you can do for yourself is put yourself in a bad relationship, especially one where another person insults you and threatens harm to ANYONE in order to keep you around. This is an objectifying tactic that preys on your own good nature.

I'm glad you broke it off with Zeb, and in the manner. The guy sounds like an absolute tosspot. Why you would subject yourself to such abuse is beyond me. Nobody has the right to constantly abuse you, even if they call yourself a friend or a lover. A friend is someone who likes you for you, no matter who you are - a lover is someone who cares for you deeply, inside and out. Sure, friends and lovers can give small digs at you - constructive criticism, maybe a joke at your expense to bring you down a few notches - but these should be far and few between, and never as scathing as you made out.

Keep looking for Mister Right, honey. Don't let this experience mess with you, let it empower you. You now know the signs of a bad relationship, and now you know when it will be appropriate to let the person go if this happens again.

Good luck.

- Tomorrow

User Comments: [1] [add]
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