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Not in a good way. Just a dull pain in my core. I just don't want anything anymore.

I don't care if I stay here forever, or if I work this shitty job forever. I just don't care anymore. Nothing matters, it's all the same s**t. It's the exact same s**t no matter where you go, so why bother, honestly?

I just don't care.

I have no reason to care.

I have no one to live for, and I have no reason to try to live my life as long as possible. I have literally no reason to continue marching forward.

I want to lie on the floor and just die. It's all I care about doing right now. The one thing that would make me happiest right now is just dying. I'm alone in the world and no one ******** knows or cares. I'll never let them know, either. They'll just find me dead one day.

Why bother trying to do something I love, when I won't have anyone to share my joy and passion with. Being alone is so ******** painful that if I had the best job in the world where I was constantly happy, due to being alone, I'd just be balanced out. The constant pain and negativity would be equalized by the overwhelming joy and that's all I have to look forward to. Going to be neutral assuming I do the impossible and achieve my dreams.

This is so ******** hard I can't even think.