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cheese_whine Time!


I still haven't talked to the person I had the readings done for. Still I'm not surprised about that. I don't really -expect- to be able to talk to them again to be honest; I just kind of keep clinging onto the hope that I -can.- Sheesh, if love does exist, it's fond of smacking me when I can't get to the person it's with. That bothers me beyond words.
It was confusing to begin with but it eventually got a little bit better whereas understanding it's concerned. I wasn't used to feeling that kind of emotion for that person, much less for that specific "type" so to speak, so I didn't exactly know how to react or what to think about the situation. Apparently, I finally gave up trying to reason through it and just accepted it, but that doesn't make the fact of having feelings for them any easier. Especially when I probably won't ever talk to them again. (Not by choie but by lack of ability to.)
As I explained in an earlier post (I think I did anyway), this person is someone I knew via the internet; we'd never met in reality and nor do I think we ever -will.- I can't explain how online feelings work but it's a little more difficult to reason through how they come about than reality for some people, and obviously I'm no exception to that comment. All I know is they slowly began growing and, by the time I finally realized how strong they had become, it was -way- beyond too late; there was no way they could find out how I felt if I were to tell them. *sigh* It's just too complicated; I wish I didn't have to deal with it but in a twisted way I don't want to give up those feelings. All I can really say about the matter anymore, or if I were to be able to leave a message to them in hopes they'd read it someday, is this:
"I love you and miss you very much. It probably wouldn't work even if we did start talking to each other again, but I still wanted to get that feeling off my chest and let you know about it. All I can do, now, is hope you somehow- whenever you get time -read this even if the feeling isn't mutual."