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The only thing keeping me conscience is the anger coursing through me, for nothing. Just... ******** this. I preach about being strong, having hope, and faith... I look to one thing when I have nothing else; I wish you were still with me. Now that I think about it I wonder why I left that place, simple and quiet for this. Why they pulled me back, and why I let them. I need you more than ever right now when everything else fails, you never will because your flawless; your an angel and I hope your watching because your my light right now. I won't talk about pain, but in some ways I guess I deserved this.

The more I hear this, the more I think it's true. I want to see my kid... But I made a promise never to go back because she needs to live her life without worrying about having to find her father. I hope she'll always know I love her and in time forgive me, I don't know if I would forgive one of my parents for doing that but they didn't, they would have always been there. It makes me gag every time I think in dept about it. So I take a deep breath and I go on passed the name calling, the meaningless threats, and live my life for all it's worth because it's all I can do but at the same time looking for mental relief. I do believe in every shape or fashion, this is hell on earth, but I've made it this way for me. If I actually end up submitting this then I hope everybody reads it, so maybe some people would back off and leave me be. I have decided I will do what I want instead of what others want... If love is this, then forget it. I'll be single forever and be happy instead of hearing my heart tear with every ******** move I make.

But you... I will never get over you, people can deal. You help me, you always will and I will always use that. We've never fought, even as kids running through the valley’s at five in the morning then ducking down amongst the rocks of our river. Skipping pebbles and telling stories of the future like it was something to look forward to, the better life we used to call it. The days where innocence lingered on us was too short, now what am I fighting for... Nothing but failure. Either way it's nothing; so I'll stay here. I'll stay here and live with my emotional wreck self then maybe one day I'll be able to do to you, what they did to me... <3