• Christ, Massive Tree! (written to the tune of O Christmas Tree)

    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    you are freaking enormous!
    twelve feet of gorgeous forest pine
    is strapped atop this car of mine
    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    you are freaking enormous!

    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    Can’t get you through the doorway!
    my ceiling’s only ten feet tall
    twelve feet of you wont fit at all!
    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    Can’t get you through the doorway!

    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    Why do I even bother?
    I am just faking christmas cheer
    thats why I buy you every year
    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    Why do I even bother?

    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    You are a fire hazard!
    With just one spark, you will ignite
    and burn my house down overnight
    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    You are a fire hazard!

    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    you are not worth the hassle!
    Next year I’ll go with Hanukkah
    Cheaper to buy a Menorah
    Christ, massive tree! Christ, massive tree!
    you are not worth the hassle!